Roller Coaster of Life

Whoa. So life has been..busy.

It's the end of the school year and things are beginning to wrap up..but I'm still going to be kept busy (even though school school is finished for me on FRIDAY..there is still stuff that will keep me there until mid MAY..how unfair I say!)

The past week has had it's ups and downs..some major projects to do for school which were taxing and time consuming..some shitty things happening..some REALLY shitty things happening (you know, the ones that make you question life and how it can be so cruel and unfair and generally BLAH) and then some really wonderful moments mixed in there too.

My life is a roller coaster. Actually.


But then..that's life..the good, the bad and the ridiculous.

I spent the evening at a friends house at one point since my absence..and it was completely and totally refreshing. After having a lot of my plate that week..I was just tired and done...and then I had to go over there for one reason or another..so I stopped by and decided to go in for a few minutes..


HOURS later I finally realized just HOW late it was and HOW early I had to be up the next morning and finally made my way home..


I paid for it the next day..I was exhausted and more worn out and behind than I should have been..but I didn't even really care..it was SO worth it. We just sat around for hours and chatted..and dished and gossiped and laughed..oh how we laughed. We talked about where life is going and what where we're going to end up..we talked about boys..we talked about our families..we talked about our beliefs, our loves, our hates and we sat around her living room eating candy and discussing life for HOURS. I just really need more moments like that...of planned nothingness. Just happiness. We had nothing on our minds that was really pressing..we were just catching up and chatting..and it was lovely. It was so nice to just be able to openly talk about EVERYTHING and just sit around discussing life and all of it's possibilities. I'm so lucky to have such amazing best friends..I love that we can chat for hours and never get tired of talking..or we can just sit on the couch for hours in complete silence..and that's just as comforting as sitting there talking. I really am quite fantastically lucky in that respect :) I love my girlfriends..Oh I am a lucky girl.. :)

So in the topic of 'The Same Old News' ...I still have no idea what the hell I'm doing with my life or where or what I'm doing next year..and it's driving me insane! I just REALLY don't have any idea what to do..Ideally I'd really like to travel..but I just don't know. I just really wish I had someone who sat on my shoulder and made my decisions for me...'Blue or black ink?' 'Chicken or Veggie?' 'Red shirt or blue shirt?'....orange wine gum or purple? (Okay, that's an easy one..WHO EVER PICKS ORANGE?!) ...and then of course those pesky 'life' decisions..do I stay or do I go?...Sensible or Crazy?...Blaaaah! I just really don't know anymore. I never REALLY knew to BEGIN with..but honestly.

In happier news..I've remembered why spring is my favourite season. I love that everything is so fresh and new and gorgeous. There is just something about spring that refreshes my spirit. I love breaking out the flip flops (Yeah, I finally did! And I only stepped in one puddle that froze my foot off..and narrowly missed the last remnants of a snowbank..haha!) and wearing only a sweater outside during the afternoon when the warm sun pelts down upon you...mmm! So lovely!! I love seeing the buds start to try to come out..and the grass showing it's face again. I love seeing kids throughout the neighbourhoods break out the bikes and the skipping ropes and playing hop scotch...It's SO refreshing to see. Those old school classic play things that transcend generations and always have that way of bringing you back to your childhood. Remember how much fun splashing in puddles was? Or those silly skipping rhymes? The sound of the birds returning from their winter travels to sing a happy song from the trees above? Or just being able to run around freely with the wind blowing in your hair...

I love spring..it's so wonderful..there is just this sense of a fresh start..new life..everything that seems gloomy and gray and miserable can be solved in spring..simply because it's the season of fresh starts. So as I watch the last of the snow melt away..I appreciate winter a little more than I have in the past few months when we were buried in feet of the disgusting white mess that we call winter. And suddenly..I realize that I'm thankful that we have that long drawn out winter season..because at the end of winter..always comes spring..and that's nothing but pure and lovely bliss :)

Hosiery Garments For Enclosing The Human Foot

Today I came to a conclusion. I was sitting in the living room, minding my own business, when I realized how much I completely and totally hate...socks.

Yeah, that's right. I'm a hater. A sock hater.

I just really don't enjoy socks. There is something about them that just..irks me. I hate having my feet enclosed and feeling like they're being suffocated. I feel like my feet don't have room to breathe or stretch or do anything else but get too hot and icky inside my socks. I would much rather be chilling in bare feet so that my feet can wiggle around and do whatever they please than have to be wearing dumb old socks.

And then don't even get me started about the little bits of socks that gets left on your foot or, worse yet, inbetween your toes! EWW! Why would anyone ever choose to wear clothing that left little bits of itself behind when you took it off? YUCK!

It's quite literally one of the first things that I do when I get home from my day..I walk in the door and POOF..off come the shoes..OFF COME THE SOCKS! It's a rather refreshing feeling to take off your socks and have your feet feel as though they can exist again without hiding behind the disgustingness that is..socks.

I don't know how people can stand to wear socks all of the time. I just can't handle it..once the snow melts..forget it..you won't see me wearing socks again until we have snow again (unless of course there is some sort of an extreme dire emergency that REQUIRES that I wear socks..). I will go for MONTHS wearing sandals, heels, flip flops, WHATEVER..as long as I don't have to wear the dreaded socks. I don't know how people do it..I just honestly cannot handle wearing socks all of the time. It drives me absolutely BONKERS!

And don't even think about bringing up wearing socks at bedtime, because that folks, that's just plain crazy.

Long Overdue Babble

Okay, okay.

So I know it's been a while..ugh! I'm awful at keeping up when things get busy..Despite reading..that's about all that I can keep up with..I want to comment on entries and have things to say..and then I just sit at the computer and think to myself.."wow..I'm really tired..I think that I'll just sit here and be a zombie"...so thus..I do. I feel awful because I know that there are a lot of people who I want to communicate with..but I've just been so exhausted..and now I'm out of the house from 8am-5pm (minimum) everyday..so by the time I get home, get all of the stuff done that needs to be done, make a lunch for the next day, shower and whatever..I don't really feel like doing much of anything else! I need to find a way to get more energy because I'm just DRAINED right now. I feel like I haven't had a proper 'break' in a really long time..and despite having time off..I haven't really had time to just 'relax' and do NOTHING..at least not without feeling guilty...which isn't much time off at all!

So let's try to recap the week with some highlights:

* Small children are hilarious and wonderful and they make me smile..all of the time.
* I made homemade lasagne which I hadn't made for a LONG time (both a meat/tomatoe & a veggie/cheese)..and it actually turned out well! I brought it to an event and everyone loved it!
* I almost had a heart attack when I thought that a MAJOR MAJOR assignment was due next week..turns out it's due next MONTH. Whew!
* Marks are up..and I did well. I'm happy..and that's all that matters.
* I'm worried about next year and what I'm going to do and how that's going to go..I just really don't know what is going to happen..and I'm so tired of thinking about it that I've just stopped.
* It's the long weekend and I have to work three of the four days..EWW!
* I went to a meeting today..and sat there yawning the entire time (and feeling guilty for yawning because it is a very important topic..) because I am just REALLY tired


Let's see what else happened..I went out to dinner with some girls from school tonight..and it was..lovely.

I had a drink called a 'Manilla Sunset' (doesn't it just SOUND like paradise!?) and ordered a crazy fun thai dish..(isn't it odd how I ordered thai food at a thai restaurant..duh!) It was generally just lovely company and lovely food..and I enjoyed myself throughly. I really need to spend more time like that just enjoying the moment and really living..because it's just not worth it otherwise...I get so caught up saying that I'm too tired and that I'll go next time and making these dumbass excuses..and then I miss out on things..and I never get anywhere..and I just really need to seize the day.

I'm generally just fed up with myself right now..I don't feel like I'm doing the best I can do at anything right now..and have been having these flashes of self doubt and frustration and I just want to curl into a ball and sleep. Between going away this winter (which, don't get my wrong, was lovely and amazing and one of the best things EVER) and then working while going to school and having opportunities to work in the field..it's just been a draining year. I feel zapped. Zapped of energy, zapped of emotion, zapped of creativity. I just need to go somewhere and refresh..I need to recharge my batteries and spend a week (nay, a month) getting massages and sleeping..instead of worrying and being frustrated and whatever..Or I just need to find a way to fix that on my own without those things..

Right now I'm just counting down the days..hoping that the feelings of inadequacy disappear with time..I hate self doubt..it's definitely one of my biggest downfalls.

Okay, I'd better get to bed fairly soon..I'm working the next three days..so I'm going to be DEAD come Monday..it's a good thing that I have the day off or I'd most likely go INSANE.

Hope all is well in journal land..♥!