Lullabies

Spring time really makes me happy..there is something so refreshing about the spring..but there are many reasons why I love this season so..one of them being nighttime.

The evening in the spring is much different than other seasons..the nights are beginning to become warm..but not TOO warm. You can go outside in only a sweater and usually be perfectly comfortable...which is quite nice if you ask me! You're able to go for walks and look at the stars and just enjoy the peaceful serenity of the night.

I love that I can sleep with my windows open and comfortably sleep throughout the night enjoying the cool air while cuddling under my blankets..there is something extremely comforting to me about sleeping with my windows open..I love it.

Another reason that I love being able to sleep with my window open is the sounds I can hear while drifting off to sleep..I've found that this scares most people (especially the city folks) who are fearful of leaving their windows open..but I enjoy it to an utmost degree. The reason that I love these sounds so is that they're so..peaceful. Listening as an owl hoots its sorrowful song..or to the branches swaying in the wind..I love drifting off to sleep with these comforting sounds. My favourite (by far) though is the sound that the frogs make. I happen to live close to a water source..and in spring the sounds of frogs are EVERYWHERE. Millions of tiny voices singing songs to each other..looking for their mate..calling out to no one in particular..it's refreshing. It's one of the reasons why I love living where I live so very much. At night, as the darkness falls...I love going outside to listen to the sounds of the frogs..and then as I climb into bed..I close my eyes and drift off into a peaceful slumber to my frog lullabies..

And honestly..who DOESN'T love being serenaded to sleep?

..Even if it is by a frog? :P

The End Is Near..

I've found this journal hard to write in a lot of respects...mostly because of the anonymity aspect. It's more difficult than you would imagine! There are so many things that really do give me away and tell people who I am..which I've come to grips with more in the past little while..but still am completely unsure about whether or not I really want to disclose my true identity.

I think that the reason I find this so difficult is that there are so many things that go on in my daily life that are unique happenings to what is going on in my own particular life..and thus if anyone who knew these things would be able to uncover my hidden identity immediately.

Anyways, the weather here lately has been AMAZING..totally unseasonal (thanks global warming! :)..but still lovely and amazing. It's crazy what good weather can do for my mood. Well, good weather AND being OH SO close to completing school. YAY!

I spent virtually the entire weekend just..enjoying myself. It seems as though this year I've been on the go for far too long. I've spent so much time worrying, anxious and attempting to get everything completed that needed to be completed..and haven't spent nearly enough time on myself. Whenever life gets busy and things are on the go..I tend to neglect myself..which is okay for a little while..because sometimes there are other things that are just way more important..but when it goes on and on for this long..it's just not healthy anymore.

I feel as though I've spent so much time this year doing everything else that I was zapped and burning out...I knew it wasn't a permenant thing..but still..it's scary to think about what this program and the stress of life can do to a person. What I really want is to spend some time just..being me. I just want to be able to give myself a jump start and get things moving..but still have time to be able to relax and remember what I'm doing and where I'm going with my life..or rather..what I'm going to do and where I'm going to go in my life. Oh the possibilities!

Anywho. I guess I should run and get to bed fairly soon..need to be up early again in the morning...

I shall have more exciting posts sometime soon I hope!

And don't forget to stay tuned, as I feel I may disclose my identity with random life details..fairly soon :O

Five Dollar Bills

Yesterday I had to go out and get a few items from one of those big, annoying box stores. It was just easiest to do this..and although I'm not so much a fan of these corporate mizzle pazzle places..(and have been severely trying to restrict my purchases from said places) I found myself upon their doorstep yesterday afternoon.

Anyways, I quickly entered the store..managed to find the few specific items that I was looking for..and probably another one or two that I wasn't looking for..and struggled through seas of screaming children and random 'four in the afternoon' shoppers to find my way to a checkout.

After quickly glancing up and down at the different registers I decided that it just wasn't worth it to wait in line for the convience of having someone else bag my few items and say that oh so scripted 'Hello, how are you today' with absolutely no enthusiasm in their voice what-so-ever. So I got in line for one of those pesky little self checkout things that more often than not beep every two seconds..and waited. And waited. And then I waited some more.

Finally it was my turn to scan my purchases and (hopefully!) be on my merry way to bigger and better destinations. Alas, the woman who was in front of me was taking longer than most people would..especially since she had already completed her purchase and was supposed to have moved on. (You of course can tell this by the annoying green flashing light above the self checkout station). Well it seemed upon closer inspection that the machine had decided to yell random things at her. It was telling her to 'take her change' (She had paid by credit card..thus..no change?) and that she needed to take her receipt (which she hadn't done because the machine had been yelling at her to take her change, of which, there was non and shouldn't have been any). So finally, she starts to walk off in a daze, and I run up to her and hand her the receipt, which she has still forgotten. I then go on my merry way ringing in my purchases and bagging them. I pay quickly and while I'm waiting for *my* receipt to print, I notice a crisp five dollar bill sitting in the change bay of the checkout.

I look around..slightly confused as to who this belongs to. I didn't really KNOW what to do...did I take it, shove it in my purse and forget about it? Surely not. I'm not one of those people that can just forget about something like that and not feel ridiculously guilty. Did I hand it in to the guy overseeing the checkouts? He would likely only pocket the money and not feel guilty in the least. Did I try to find the woman who had been before me in hopes that I could catch her and return her five dollars which had evidentally been the change that the machine had been yelling at her to take? But she had moved on well before this point and was likely already in her car and about to leave..So did I just leave it for some unsuspecting customer who followed me to take and shove in their purse/wallet/other random money holding device? I was at a loss for what to do..

After a brief hesitation, and a glaring look from the next lady in line as the green light above me had started to flash and I still hadn't removed my receipt or moved out of the way, I quickly scooped up the bill, grabbed my receipt and proceeded out of the store.

As I made my way through yet again more throngs of people, I wondered what I was going to do..the woman was surely in her car by now..and really...it was only five dollars..it wasn't as though I had found a particularly large sum of money that anyone would REALLY miss THAT terribly. But yet, I still felt extremely guilty..I didn't really know what to do..the comfort came when I decided that if I didn't see the woman on my walk to the car, I would find someone who needed the money and give it to them instead. So I walked out of the store feeling slightly less guilty..and scanned the parking lot looking for any glimpse of the woman who had been in front of me...when low and behold..I spotted her!

I quickly beelined over to her and explained that the machine had been trying to give her change and that I had found the five dollars and wanted to return it to her. She looked at me peculiarly and said that she couldn't imagine anyone ever returning money that they had found..let alone an amount so small and relatively insignificant. She said that it restored her faith in people to know that there were people in the world who still thought of others before themselves and that it gave her hope for the future.

We talked for another few seconds and like a flash, I was back into my own world heading on my merry way...her words still lingering in my head. I cannot imagine a world where people don't care for each other..but maybe that is because I simply do not operate that way...It's just not how I am...whether it be five dollars or five hundred dollars..that is not the issue. It's the reasoning behind it...it's the moral and ethical issues that play such a major role in determining who we are...and the person who I want to be is the person who is honest, trustworthy and someone who cares about other people in whatever way possible...whether it be a smile, five dollars or a simple have a nice day. When it all boils down to it..it's the little things that matter most. It's the little things that have the most opportunity to change the world..not only can you piece them together to create a tidal wave of change..but you can inspire someone else to be a better person, to pay it forward..simply by setting the example.

So as I left, I realized that maybe just this once..the big box store wasn't so bad. It had taught me a lesson about myself and the person I want to be..and I hope to believe that I inspired someone else to think about their actions and the example they want to set for someone else..but I still felt guilty as I had already partially earmarked that five dollars for someone who I decided desperately needed it as a way to ease my conscience. As I pondered this at a red light..I made another rash decision and took out an old crinkled five dollar bill, stuck it in the back of my wallet where I hide all of my receipts and other daily junk. I silently decided to keep it for the next rainy day when I came across someone down on their luck needs a helping hand up...in hopes of perhaps inspiring them to do whatever they could to pay it forward in whatever way they can. It's not like it was a large sum of money..but in most cases like these..I don't think that it's always the money that matters. To me, the money is just money..I'll never notice a simple five dollar bill missing from my current wallet..I'm not nearly that careful with my money that I would...but it was the statement behind the money..the thought that someone actually cares enough to reach out in whatever way possible...even if it's only a few dollars. I hadn't even given anyone the money..yet the simple act of giving, even in theory, inspired me so much that I've challenged myself to a new sort of challenge..whether it be five dollars, five minutes or five seconds...I'm challenging myself to do something small, each and every day..to help someone..to show someone I care..to try and make a difference in the lives of others..and hopefully inspire others to try to do the same..without even knowing it. Who knows..maybe those two five dollar bills can change the world. You never know...it could happen.

Roller Coaster of Life

Whoa. So life has been..busy.

It's the end of the school year and things are beginning to wrap up..but I'm still going to be kept busy (even though school school is finished for me on FRIDAY..there is still stuff that will keep me there until mid MAY..how unfair I say!)

The past week has had it's ups and downs..some major projects to do for school which were taxing and time consuming..some shitty things happening..some REALLY shitty things happening (you know, the ones that make you question life and how it can be so cruel and unfair and generally BLAH) and then some really wonderful moments mixed in there too.

My life is a roller coaster. Actually.


But then..that's life..the good, the bad and the ridiculous.

I spent the evening at a friends house at one point since my absence..and it was completely and totally refreshing. After having a lot of my plate that week..I was just tired and done...and then I had to go over there for one reason or another..so I stopped by and decided to go in for a few minutes..


HOURS later I finally realized just HOW late it was and HOW early I had to be up the next morning and finally made my way home..


I paid for it the next day..I was exhausted and more worn out and behind than I should have been..but I didn't even really care..it was SO worth it. We just sat around for hours and chatted..and dished and gossiped and laughed..oh how we laughed. We talked about where life is going and what where we're going to end up..we talked about boys..we talked about our families..we talked about our beliefs, our loves, our hates and we sat around her living room eating candy and discussing life for HOURS. I just really need more moments like that...of planned nothingness. Just happiness. We had nothing on our minds that was really pressing..we were just catching up and chatting..and it was lovely. It was so nice to just be able to openly talk about EVERYTHING and just sit around discussing life and all of it's possibilities. I'm so lucky to have such amazing best friends..I love that we can chat for hours and never get tired of talking..or we can just sit on the couch for hours in complete silence..and that's just as comforting as sitting there talking. I really am quite fantastically lucky in that respect :) I love my girlfriends..Oh I am a lucky girl.. :)

So in the topic of 'The Same Old News' ...I still have no idea what the hell I'm doing with my life or where or what I'm doing next year..and it's driving me insane! I just REALLY don't have any idea what to do..Ideally I'd really like to travel..but I just don't know. I just really wish I had someone who sat on my shoulder and made my decisions for me...'Blue or black ink?' 'Chicken or Veggie?' 'Red shirt or blue shirt?'....orange wine gum or purple? (Okay, that's an easy one..WHO EVER PICKS ORANGE?!) ...and then of course those pesky 'life' decisions..do I stay or do I go?...Sensible or Crazy?...Blaaaah! I just really don't know anymore. I never REALLY knew to BEGIN with..but honestly.

In happier news..I've remembered why spring is my favourite season. I love that everything is so fresh and new and gorgeous. There is just something about spring that refreshes my spirit. I love breaking out the flip flops (Yeah, I finally did! And I only stepped in one puddle that froze my foot off..and narrowly missed the last remnants of a snowbank..haha!) and wearing only a sweater outside during the afternoon when the warm sun pelts down upon you...mmm! So lovely!! I love seeing the buds start to try to come out..and the grass showing it's face again. I love seeing kids throughout the neighbourhoods break out the bikes and the skipping ropes and playing hop scotch...It's SO refreshing to see. Those old school classic play things that transcend generations and always have that way of bringing you back to your childhood. Remember how much fun splashing in puddles was? Or those silly skipping rhymes? The sound of the birds returning from their winter travels to sing a happy song from the trees above? Or just being able to run around freely with the wind blowing in your hair...

I love spring..it's so wonderful..there is just this sense of a fresh start..new life..everything that seems gloomy and gray and miserable can be solved in spring..simply because it's the season of fresh starts. So as I watch the last of the snow melt away..I appreciate winter a little more than I have in the past few months when we were buried in feet of the disgusting white mess that we call winter. And suddenly..I realize that I'm thankful that we have that long drawn out winter season..because at the end of winter..always comes spring..and that's nothing but pure and lovely bliss :)

MIA

I'm pretty swampped right now.

I'm rather overwhelmed right now. ("I know you can be underwhelmed, and I know you can be overwhelmed, but can you ever just be..whelmed?" - This just popped into my head when I was writing this...Random useless points (And maybe a cookie!) go to the first one who tells me the movie that comes from..lol)

ANYWAYS. Back from my brief random thought detour.

There is a lot of stuff going on..

End of the year school crunch..personal stuff..work stuff...everything just seems to be attacking me at once.

So I'll be back in a few days once I straighten things out and get back on my feet and (to steal lyrics from that ridiculous movie that I still haven't seen but most 12 year olds insist on singing) "get my head in the game". (More random useless points go if you can tell me what movie THAT is from)

So if for some bizarre reason anyone is wondering why I'm not bopping around here for the next little while (and why I've been slightly MIA lately..)..it's because of the aformentioned reasons..And now I'm off to finish doing some stuff before bed..and then hopefully crash for a few hours..

Oh sleep, I miss thee.

Captured Memories

The last few days I've been thinking about life..

About how I spend so much time and energy being upset over things I cannot control. And even when I can control things..if I just changed my perspective slightly..it'd all end up working out. Life has this ridiculously funny way of just..working out.

I just want to embrace and capture the fun more. There is so much in life that should be enjoyed..and I think that as a whole..the general population tends to forget to do this far too often.

Despite whatever happens..despite whatever life brings..whether it be good days or bad ones..life is still going to go on. It's still going to keep on keeping on. And it really doesn't make any sense what-so-ever to muddle around being upset about the little things..that in a grand scheme of things are so ridiculously insignificant. Might as well make the best of what you've got and what you can do with what you've got.

I think that a lot of this stemmed from the fact that I got some pictures developed today. And for the first time in years..they weren't photos of the digital variety. They were OLD SCHOOL. And I'm not even talking like..from a point and shoot..no sirree..they were from an old DISPOSABLE camera. That kind of old school.

And they weren't of anything spectacular. The quality was poor..and the pictures were nothing to write home about. They weren't the most funny pictures of the best pictures of a night out that I've ever taken. But they captured everything. There were no retakes..there were no do-overs. Everyone was just..real. The moment was captured..the happiness, the ridiculousness, the sillies, the EVERYTHING. The atmosphere shows through in these pictures and makes me long for another one of those nights. I think that the reason that I love these so much is that despite the fact that they're not perfectly centred or focused or even all extremely amusing..is that they're real. The captured us as we truly were..there was no saying 'AHH! DELETE DELETE!' after the photo was taken..and then a meager attempt to recreate the moment. The moment was just..there. Whether people liked the angle of their face or the way their hair was or WHATEVER other ridiculous things we insist upon obsessing over..the picture was captured..for better or for worse. The moment was stuck..it was captured..and whatever was being felt at the moment was captured as well. I think that the reason that I love them so much is that they're real. They've managed to capture the essence of what I love most about my friends and about the silly times we've had..they managed to capture us at our best, our worst..and everything in between. And really, that's what life is all about.


And yet again..as I'm wrapping up this post..a random song that I haven't heard in FOREVER comes blaring over my speakers from the random eclectic stash of music I horde upon this computer..so I'll leave it with the verse from these lyrics that is just..fitting.

It won't be long before it's another day...
We're gonna have a good time...
No one's gonna take that time away..

Alphabet

A- Available or Single? – Both?

B- Best Friends? – They're lovely. I love having best friends who know me better than I know myself.

C- Cake or Pie? – If I had to choose..cake I suppose. Although I'm not too much of a fan of either.

D- Drink of Choice? – Water, lemonade or gin. Or gin and lemonade mixed together. Mmm!

E- Essential item? – Clothing. I like to be clothed..especially when in public.

F - Favourite Colour? - Oh a random assortment. Whatever fits my mood.

G- Gummi Bears or Worms? – Worms. They're typically chewier and more fun. I enoy fun!

H- Hometown? – Right smack dab where the house is :)

I- Indulgence? – Gossip, chocolate and wine. Especially when shaken, not stirred.

J- January or February? – February. As I've already recovered from the shock of christmas bills, the days are longer and hopefully we've begun to thaw out and not freeze quite as much anymore.

K- Kids and Names? – I like kids. And I like names. I have no kids..but I do have a name :)

Life is incomplete without? – happiness

Marriage Date? – I can't tell the future! I may be good..but I'm not THAT good!

N- Number of Siblings? – One in the traditional sense of being related to them..more if you count other such things :)

Oranges or Apples? – Apples! Yum!

Phobias/Fears? – Lonliness, unhappiness.

Q- Favourite Quote? – Oh there are quite a few..but as of late I'm quite fond of the quotes on the Ivory Soap packages :)

R- Reasons to smile? – Too many to name or number..

S- Season? – Spring! It's so fresh and full of new life and new beginnings :)

T- Tag 3 People? – You, you and..uhh..YOU! You're it! Wow. These are silly rules for tag..I'm use to only having to tag one person..what have kids done with these oldschool games of my childhood..gosh darn.

Unknown Fact About Me? – I throughly enjoy when I have a chance to read childrens books to children...they make me happy.

V- Vegetable You Hate? – Brussel Sprouts. Yeck.

W- Worst Habit? – Negative thinking

X- X-rays You've Had? – Only teeth I suppose..darn wisdom teeth.

Y- Your Favourite Foods? – Salad, pasta and any form of cheesy bread. Or really just bread. Mmmm bread!

Z- Zodiac? – Man. This survey sure is lazy..but if you really want to know the definition of Zodiac..who am I to complain? So here ya go:

zo·di·ac (zō'dē-ăk') n.
Astronomy. A band of the celestial sphere extending about 8° to either side of the ecliptic that represents the path of the principal planets, the moon, and the sun.
In astrology, this band divided into 12 equal parts called signs, each 30° wide, bearing the name of a constellation for which it was originally named but with which it no longer coincides owing to the precession of the equinoxes.
A diagram or figure representing the zodiac.
A complete circuit; a circle

Now. Doncha just feel like you know a wealth of everything? :)