Packing Up The Pieces..

My fate is still up in the air..I'm heading to Europe fairly soon...but that is a little bit up in the air right now. I'm waiting for my visa..and my travel plans aren't completely and totally solidified...which is in a word...terrifying! I'm excited to go..beyond belief! But it's also quite scary to think about leaving for give or take a year! I'm hoping that in the next day or two I can finalize my travel plans and get everything organized. Technically I should be leaving REALLY soon..but it's this darn work visa that's making everything more difficult! Ah well, guess you've just gotta take the good with the bad..I hope that it can be sorted out soon though..I'm really quite anxious to get on my way and do some travelling :)

In my attempt to "sort out" my life and get things organized for being out of the country for a year I've been doing many things. I've got an international drivers lisence, I've purchased a couple of my favourite english books, I've got a phrase book which gives me certain phrases from English --> French, German and Italian (Handy, since those are three of the main languages spoken in Switzerland, where I'm headed). I've started buying those necessary items that I always *want* when I'm travelling..extras of certain things that I want to take with me..some new clothes...the general getting ready to travel things. It's hard though, because I'm attempting to get things ready for the next YEAR. As I'm discovering, a year is A LOT longer than it seems. I'm trying to pack things and accumulate things for multiple seasons. This means everything from jeans and t-shirts to skirts to sweaters to snow pants. There are a lot of different things that I feel are going to come up that I'm going to be like "darn, I wish I'd brought ______".....but I'd like to have as many of the "essentials" as I can now..so that I can save up the money I'm making there for my REAL emergency buys..and of course..that pesky little backpacking through Europe thing of which just the THOUGHT of has me hooked.

One of the main things I've been trying to accumulate before I go though..isn't anything that I can buy or gather up or pack into my suitcases...It's not something that has a physical form or something that can be touched or even seen...but it's something that I already know that I'm going to miss the most when I leave home.

The thing that I've been trying to gather the most of during my final weeks and days at home is simply love, friendship, warmth and family. I've been attempting to 'soak up' as much possible love from everyone around me...in every way I know how. Just spending quality time with the people I love..and trying to make an effort to do this is any way I know how. It's been hard..because no matter who I'm spending them with..I always wish that there were more hours in a day so that I could squeeze in extra time with others, with more of those people who I hold closest to my heart..but there just never seems to be enough time.

I wish that I'd started 'soaking up' love from people earlier. It's something that we should all do all of the time..spend as much time with the people with love as is humanly possible..but unfortunately, it seems that the vast majority of people (myself included) don't do or make enough time for these things...There are always excuses it seems..being too tired, to drained, too busy, too WHATEVER..and then we loose sight of what's really important. We forget to savour each moment, to cherish the little things and really live life to the fullest...

I'm glad that I've been trying to spend as much time with everyone as I can lately..even though sometimes I do flake and don't spend nearly as much time with everyone as I want to..even though I feel torn because I wish there was a way for me to do EVERYTHING that I want to do and spend as much time with everyone as possible...I'm still TRYING..even if it doesn't REALLY seem like I am.

I just want to have as many reserves of love and happiness stored in my soul as possible..because I know that when I leave home..I'm going to desperately miss it here. Even though I'm ready to leave, even though I want to have adventures..even though I need to experience new things..I know that once I leave..I will miss things here...I will miss chatting with my Dad after we've finished our day...I will miss sitting on the deck when the sun comes down..I will miss going out for drinks with Nannon..and going to the park with Nenna...I will miss coffee dates..and swimming at the cottage..and just joking around...I will miss everyone's smiles and their laughs...

Not only will I miss these things, but there will also be events that I miss. Birthdays, weddings, milestones and other occasions that are hard to leave behind..so I'm hoping that by having so many happy, lovely, wonderful memories tucked away in my head..I'll be able to rely on these..and not be so sad about missing out on certain things that I know will tug at my heartstrings.

I know that I have an amazing adventures ahead of me..and I know I am going to have the time of my life..a completely and undeniably once in a lifetime experience..

But I can't help but think about the things and the people who I will miss more than anything..

If only I could bottle them up and bring them with me..

I guess that would probably defeat the purpose of leaving home to experience new things and meet new people...but I suppose it at least will (and maybe already has?) make me appreciate the people in my life a lot more than I have been...and make me cherish those little moments for what they really are..classic bits of old fashioned love and happiness...

Despite everything..despite the stress..despite everything else that is going on...Life is still okay...in fact..life is good. :)