Security Issues

Hello Again!

I know it's been forever since I've updated here..and I think that for the next while at least..this blog will remain fairly stagnant..but that doesn't mean that I'm not updating!

I'm still updating (fairly) reguarily from my travel blog..but the more I think about it..the more afraid I am to have it open to the public..so I've restricted it to only people who I invite..so if you'd like an invite..leave a comment here with your email and I'll send you an invite..or you can email me with your email asking to be granted access to this blog at daydreaminggirl@gmail.com

<3

An Absence Of Sorts

I know that I haven't been updating lately..

But I have been updating a little at my travel blog a little more than here..

I've just been very busy...as is pretty par for the course :)

And now, I must run..as I'm just procrastinating and I have SO much to do! I promise I'll have more witty fun posts once I'm IN EUROPE!!!!!!!!

Love you all!

Adventures!

Hey folks!

I've decided to start another blog to write about my European Adventures! I'll DEFINITELY still be blogging here..but just wanted a place where I could keep in touch with friends and family and let them know what's going on in regards to my travels! (For some reason..I'm not quite ready to open up THIS blog to a lot of my family yet..haha!) I'll be posting stories and sharing pictures of the places I visit HERE though!! So although I definitely will STILL be updating here with daily rants, stories and thoughts..I won't be posting QUITE as many travel stories..since I'm starting to sound like a broken record..and that's basically all I ever seem to talk about or write about anymore!

So if you want to follow along..make sure to check that out!! (and come visit me here too!)

Perspective

So the strawberry farm that I work and live on isn't just a home for strawberries..we have many a fresh produce option. We grow a lot of different fruits and vegetables..strawberries being one of our biggest crops..but we also grow raspberries, blueberries, gooseberries, black currants, red currants, peas, beans, tomatoes, potatoes, cucumbers, zucchini and amazing sweet corn..amongst other things that I know I'm forgetting.

So to deal with this produce..we have a store that I work in on most days (when I'm not at the farmers markets with Shop Girl*) to sell things that we grow..and over the years we've expanded to include things from other local farms that we either don't or can't grow here...peaches, plums, lettuce, onions, beef, cheese, etc.

The emphasis that we've always tried to put on the things that we provide for other people is fresh, local produce with friendly service..and we've grown a lot over the years to make this work...and continue to put in unmeasureable amounts of time and effort in an attempt to make the farm that we love successful, all the while providing a quality service to the people of this area.

This being said..I've grown up on this farm. I moved here when I was four..and have thus lived here for the last 18+ years. I have an immense connection with it..I've always been in the 'front' of the operation..while my brother and my Dad focused their energy on growing amazing produce..my job has always focused more on the service part of the job..and displaying and selling the produce to the public...and after years of fielding questions and providing information about produce...and running our store (Which, by the way, started out with my first sale off of a picnic table on our front lawn, and has now grown to be a full fledged store with a variety of products).

Now, I often have 'stories' about things that happen in my day to day existence within our store..and this particular one happened the other day..

A woman came in..and I greeted her with a friendly hello as I do with anyone who comes into our store...she seemed rather reserved and a little bit..cold...but I went about doing what I was doing while she looked around..I recognized her as someone who had been in the store before..and always has had a sort of..sour personality...always grumbling about something..and just generally not a very happy person..regardless..I tried to be my normal happy self.

After a few minutes, I could hear her humming and hawing and sighing as she looked at the green and yellow beans..

I asked if she was finding everything okay or if there was anything I could help with..and she said "well, I would get some of the beans..but these just aren't any good"....I was surprised, as I always try to keep pretty tight control over the quality of whatever we're selling, especially at the store..and had been looking at the beans not less than ten minutes ago..and didn't find anything wrong with them.

Now, I don't consider myself an expert on produce...but I do know a fair bit. Living and breathing produce every summer for the vast majority of my life has given me a little bit of an edge on the subject matter...but I'm far from knowing a TON of stuff, let alone everything..and I know this..but I do attempt to share my knowledge whenever possible..because..well..I'm a produce dork...AND..knowledge makes the world go round..everyone needs food..so you might as well be as educated as possible about it.

So, that being said..I was like..oh..what's wrong with them..and went over to look...the woman mumbled something about them not being 'good'..but couldn't seem to explain to me WHY they weren't any good. I was a little confused, as they looked and felt perfectly fine to me...but over the years..I've become pretty use to people who like to pretend that they know what they're talking about...and like to pretend that I don't..because I'm not as old as them or I'm not as experienced in life as them or whatever..

And it had been a kind of 'blah' day. So I smiled sweetly..and told her that I'd go and grab some other beans out of the cooler for her to have a look at and walked into the back room and grabbed a bin of beans. I brought them out into the front of the store..and showed them to her.

Upon seeing them, she instantly exclaimed that these were 'much better' and 'exactly what she wanted' and quickly filled a bag with them, paid for her purchases and left.

As I was putting the beans back in the cooler..I couldn't help but laugh a little to myself..and wonder why it is that we do the things that we do...why some beans aren't good enough..and others are just perfect...

Especially since this woman had no idea..that mere minutes before she had arrived in the store...I had taken the beans to put on display...from that exact same bin which was 'much better' than the exact same beans that was on display. I never said that either beans were fresher, they weren't any different..infact..they were exactly the same...yet she somehow believed that the ones that I brought out of the back..were somehow superior to the ones that I had just before put out for display...even though they looked, tasted and WERE the exact same.

It's funny how perspective can change so much. How we can make assumptions about things..and although we often make assumptions based on appearance...this one wasn't even based on that..it was just based on perspective....and in this case..was based on an assumption which was completely and totally inaccurate...and only confirmed to me that she didn't know what she was talking about.

So that was my little game for the other day..had she actually balked and said that the bin of beans I brought out wasn't up to the quality she desired..then I *may* have believed that there was actually something wrong with them..despite them just having being picked..but now I'm content in knowing that she was just being nit picky and didn't actually know what she was talking about.

Today's Lessons? A) Don't jump to conclusions or make opinions based upon assumptions. B)Know what you're talking about..or else I may prove that you're actually full of it...and then I will think you're probably an airhead who doesn't really know anything but likes to pretend that they do :)

And yes. Just in case you're wondering..the woman was back in the next day..raving about how good her beans were..and asking me to get more out of the bin from the back.
Sometimes..it's all about plastering a sweet smile on your face..and letting them pretend that they know what they're talking about.



Disclaimer: I'm not USUALLY a person who likes to trick or decieve people..I'm actually...usually..a pretty good(ish) person. I just had this funny gut feeling..that this woman knew absolutely nothing about what she was talking about..and was complaining just for the sake of complaining..and it gave me a smug sense of satisfaction to sell her the exact same beans which were on display..but had somehow magically transformed into produce which was suddenly 'good enough' for her..because they were 'different' from what was on the table. There was absolutely nothing wrong with them..and in fact..I ate the same ones for dinner myself that night. You can always ask Shop Girl* about difficult customers if you'd like to know more..we don't usually have too many..but she can confirm that sometimes..they're just plain stupid...and also..that sometimes..there are days..when you've somehow been magnatized to attract every stupid, nit picking idiot on the face of the earth..LOL.

Packing Up The Pieces..

My fate is still up in the air..I'm heading to Europe fairly soon...but that is a little bit up in the air right now. I'm waiting for my visa..and my travel plans aren't completely and totally solidified...which is in a word...terrifying! I'm excited to go..beyond belief! But it's also quite scary to think about leaving for give or take a year! I'm hoping that in the next day or two I can finalize my travel plans and get everything organized. Technically I should be leaving REALLY soon..but it's this darn work visa that's making everything more difficult! Ah well, guess you've just gotta take the good with the bad..I hope that it can be sorted out soon though..I'm really quite anxious to get on my way and do some travelling :)

In my attempt to "sort out" my life and get things organized for being out of the country for a year I've been doing many things. I've got an international drivers lisence, I've purchased a couple of my favourite english books, I've got a phrase book which gives me certain phrases from English --> French, German and Italian (Handy, since those are three of the main languages spoken in Switzerland, where I'm headed). I've started buying those necessary items that I always *want* when I'm travelling..extras of certain things that I want to take with me..some new clothes...the general getting ready to travel things. It's hard though, because I'm attempting to get things ready for the next YEAR. As I'm discovering, a year is A LOT longer than it seems. I'm trying to pack things and accumulate things for multiple seasons. This means everything from jeans and t-shirts to skirts to sweaters to snow pants. There are a lot of different things that I feel are going to come up that I'm going to be like "darn, I wish I'd brought ______".....but I'd like to have as many of the "essentials" as I can now..so that I can save up the money I'm making there for my REAL emergency buys..and of course..that pesky little backpacking through Europe thing of which just the THOUGHT of has me hooked.

One of the main things I've been trying to accumulate before I go though..isn't anything that I can buy or gather up or pack into my suitcases...It's not something that has a physical form or something that can be touched or even seen...but it's something that I already know that I'm going to miss the most when I leave home.

The thing that I've been trying to gather the most of during my final weeks and days at home is simply love, friendship, warmth and family. I've been attempting to 'soak up' as much possible love from everyone around me...in every way I know how. Just spending quality time with the people I love..and trying to make an effort to do this is any way I know how. It's been hard..because no matter who I'm spending them with..I always wish that there were more hours in a day so that I could squeeze in extra time with others, with more of those people who I hold closest to my heart..but there just never seems to be enough time.

I wish that I'd started 'soaking up' love from people earlier. It's something that we should all do all of the time..spend as much time with the people with love as is humanly possible..but unfortunately, it seems that the vast majority of people (myself included) don't do or make enough time for these things...There are always excuses it seems..being too tired, to drained, too busy, too WHATEVER..and then we loose sight of what's really important. We forget to savour each moment, to cherish the little things and really live life to the fullest...

I'm glad that I've been trying to spend as much time with everyone as I can lately..even though sometimes I do flake and don't spend nearly as much time with everyone as I want to..even though I feel torn because I wish there was a way for me to do EVERYTHING that I want to do and spend as much time with everyone as possible...I'm still TRYING..even if it doesn't REALLY seem like I am.

I just want to have as many reserves of love and happiness stored in my soul as possible..because I know that when I leave home..I'm going to desperately miss it here. Even though I'm ready to leave, even though I want to have adventures..even though I need to experience new things..I know that once I leave..I will miss things here...I will miss chatting with my Dad after we've finished our day...I will miss sitting on the deck when the sun comes down..I will miss going out for drinks with Nannon..and going to the park with Nenna...I will miss coffee dates..and swimming at the cottage..and just joking around...I will miss everyone's smiles and their laughs...

Not only will I miss these things, but there will also be events that I miss. Birthdays, weddings, milestones and other occasions that are hard to leave behind..so I'm hoping that by having so many happy, lovely, wonderful memories tucked away in my head..I'll be able to rely on these..and not be so sad about missing out on certain things that I know will tug at my heartstrings.

I know that I have an amazing adventures ahead of me..and I know I am going to have the time of my life..a completely and undeniably once in a lifetime experience..

But I can't help but think about the things and the people who I will miss more than anything..

If only I could bottle them up and bring them with me..

I guess that would probably defeat the purpose of leaving home to experience new things and meet new people...but I suppose it at least will (and maybe already has?) make me appreciate the people in my life a lot more than I have been...and make me cherish those little moments for what they really are..classic bits of old fashioned love and happiness...

Despite everything..despite the stress..despite everything else that is going on...Life is still okay...in fact..life is good. :)

Old Fashioned Love

At work, I often run into a lot of different characters. Some of them are good, others are...not so good. Some of them a little out there..some aren't really there at all. Some are young, some are old, and some are at that generic place of inbetween.

This story has to do with two that I happened upon a few weeks ago.

It was a rather slow moment at the store..I was cleaning up around the front of the store..so I watched as a man, weathered with age, liverspots and laugh lines got out of the car and slowly made his way to the passenger side. I then watched in awe as he opened the door for his grey haired wife and they made their way into the store...hand in hand. Now, I'm fairly use to couples coming into our store, especially couples that are on the older of the age spectrum. But there was something different about this couple. They weren't holding hands because they were leaning on each other, or because one was unsteady on their feet. No, despite their grey hair and obvious age, they were holding hands..simply for the sake of holding hands. Their arms swayed back and forth as they walked and they made simple, light conversation as they walked to the entrance.

Upon their arrival to the store they walked around and then eventually asked if they could go out to the fields to go picking their own strawberries. I said of course, showed them the different baskets we had and then sent them on their way. I told them they could either walk down to the field, or wait for a tractor ride...but they opted to walk. As they want on their way I could hear them chit chattering and laughing all the way to the field...walking again..hand in hand. They had the biggest smiles on their faces and looked at each other with such love in their eyes that I couldn't help but smile myself...

I can only hope that I find someone who I can love that much. Who I can grow old and gray with..who still smiles and laughs and jokes with me..who knows me better than I know myself and spend the rest of my days with...happy and content with life and everything that it brings. With the current state of our society..where people don't seem to stay together forever anymore..it gives me hope and faith that it can be done. This couple completely and totally restored my faith in love...and makes me dream that it all really is possible :)

And with that, I will head off to bed..with dreams of happiness and endless love filling my heart with joy :)

Here Comes The Bride..

No, it's not me. It's DEFINITELY not me. It's so far from being me..it's actually almost FUNNY.

Basically, to spill the beans..One of my two best friends...my lovely Nenna got engaged to her very own Effrey!

Now, I could not be happier..as I love BOTH of these two DEARLY. (In fact, I love them both at LEAST as big as a dump truck, and maybe even a digger) I'm so excited for them..as the wedding planning is ALREADY in FULL swing! In the few short weeks they've been engaged they've managed to secure a venue, church, place for photos..as well as other things! These things are a necessity to do early..as evidently wedding things are super popular..and the 'big ticket' issues apparently have to be booked well in advance.

So this ALSO means..I get to be a bridesmaid. Which I am super DUPER excited about as I love weddings and being in weddings and doing fun wedding-ish stuff! The last time I was the bridesmaid in December I had a blast and everything just worked out and was so beautiful and happy and wonderful that I'm REALLY excited to be a part of that again for others that I hold closest to my heart.

ANNND...I've got a little book and everything.

It's really true, I do. Because you know, I'm a giant loser like that. It has things that *I* have to do, things that I have to remind Nenna to do, and also things that cannot be done under any circumstances (For instance, the fun of the chicken dance has been banned...I know, collective 'AWWW'...but what can ya do?)

So I'm excited..in 13.5 months..my Nenna and Effrey will ACTUALLY be married. For real. They'll be their own real little family....and as Nenna's little boy Gigglenuts has told us..we all know that getting married means that "Mommy and Effrey will live with me forever" - It's the true definition of marriage..straight from the mouth of a three year old. ACTUALLY.

Holy moly...the more I think about this..it's scary! Not scary in the TYPICAL way..but just in the 'Wow - I'm so behind on this 'growing up' thing' kind of way....haha - ah well..I guess we all do things in our own different times..haha! :)

Anyways. So when I finally got confirmation that a proposal HAD happened...I drove 1.5 hours to a) see the ring b) say congrats c) try to take 2498713948 photos of the ring try to get a good shot of it (note to self: diamonds + photographing = HARDER THAN IT LOOKS)

These were a few of my end results:

I like this one :)

The top of the ring

The side with the cute side diamonds!

So yes..that's the exciting news in the world of engagements 'round these parts! I'm oh so looking forward to the wedding of my lovelies! It's going to be such a perfect day..I just know it! And I'm also excited because it means that I get to hang out and partay (like it's 1999) with my second family..YAY!

So all in all..some pretty exciting times around here! :)

Update Slacker

I, dear readers (if, there are any of you left in the great white in-tra-net abyss) am a horrible, rotten, no good, very bad..blogger.

That's right.

You heard me.

I admitted it.

BUT!

Things have been crazy. (When are they ever not? BLAAAAAH!)

Let's Review..

Since I last updated I have:

Got a job in Switzerland
Bought a laptop
Worked stupid amounts of hours
Drank a few too many drinks
Hung out with lovely people
Slept too little
Danced
Sat anxiously awaiting my work permit
Had my best friend go and get herself engaged (and thus, subsequently, have become a BRIDESMAID!!!)
Gone to a fair
Spend hours agonizing over EVERYTHING
Gone for cottage adventures
Eaten icecream
Spent too much money
Got an international drivers licence
Ate pizza
NOT booked a flight (which I think is subsequently giving me an ulcer..gah)
Smelled peaches
Taken oodles of random photos
Played 'Word Whomp' with my mother WAY too much
Not spent enough quality time
Filled my car up with gas that costs WAY too much money
Sat on patios, decks and other lovely sitting places in the warmth of the summer
Sang at the top of my lungs
Worried that things won't work out
Mailed a letter
Got a new credit card (....)
Toasted with champagne
Played guitar hero (who knew?)
Ate steak (this is a big deal folks, I'd never eaten more than a piece of steak before in my life..and even then..I've always spat it out..haha)
Been told "I love you" (even if it was by a three year old..)
Daydreamed

So, I've been up to a lot of this and that.

I'm exhausted now though (surprise surprise) and finally got in some hangouts with my daddio tonight..which were desperately needed. I feel as though I can't strike a balance with anything anymore..and I just feel like a constant disappointment..which sucks.

I also am supposed to start work in a foreign country..three weeks from today.

This is me. This is me FREAKING OUT.

I don't even know where to start ANYTHING right now. I'm just stressball. I'm ACTUALLY a giantball of stress.

Elaboration on previous topics later. Maybe. Hopefully. Who knows.

Strawberry Adventures!

As you may or may not know..I live and work on a strawberry farm in the heart of cottage country in a small town in rural Ontario...

Also..as you may or may not know..I love my little family of friends..I think that I have some of
the best friends ever. I'm actually quite convinced of the fact.

ANYWAYS. So. Last week I was working a split shift..which meant that I worked from 8-12 and then 4-8..which means it's a LONG day..because usually in my "break" (if I get out of there on time..which..never happens) I'm usually doing things for the store or dealing with phonecalls or etc. etc. So it usually ends up that I'm on my feet/on the go for about 12 hours straight..and by the end of the shift I'm EXHAUSTED and SO worn out that I can't even MOVE.

One day though..after FAR too long of feeling like we hadn't seen each other REALLY in days and days and even LONGER than just DAYS and DAYS..my Nenna came out for a visit! She brought her little boy Gigglenuts out to play at my work..and she brought Hammie too!
It had been a fairly busy morning..and then a stressful little time in the afternoon..so not only did she save my butt by picking things up in town to bring to me which I desperately needed..but she also brought her lovely self and others that I love muchly with her to my farm where we could pick some strawberries, go for a tractor ride and have some good old quality hangouts :) I had been having such a stressful yucky day before that..and was just tired of people and dealing with problems and dealing with LIFE that I just wanted to curl up into a ball and hide..but of course..it was BEST FRIENDS to the RESCUE!

I love my best friends. Love love love. That made my day SO much more enjoyable..and just put a smile on my face :) That's what friends are for..and I love having amazing ones that always know exactly how to make everything better..and make long days..lovely days :)

Anyways..on with le photos!



Tractor rides are the BEST part of strawberry picking at his FAVOURITE "aunties" work!

YUM! Strawberry eating machine!

Thumbs up for awesomely yummy strawberries!

Mommy pulling the wagon..Hammie taught Gigglenuts to say "Mush Mush Mommy"..oh dear.

Hammie and Gigglenuts chillaxing in their chariot :)

Things that make me..

Things that make me happy:

1) Chit chats. I love chit chatting.

2) Running into professors..especially the ones you loved to bits.

2.5) Having other people run into old prof's that you love and hearing through the grapevine that they asked about you and want you to email them (AHHH!)

3) Days Off. Relaxation? YES!

4) Sunshine. 'Nuff said.

5) Strawberry Daiquiris. I live on a strawberry farm..nuff said?

6) Gum that comes in green packages. It reminds me of driving around with my grandmother and her telling me that I could get out a piece of gum from her purse (Big privilege..doncha know?) and it was always the green kind. I can't chew green gum without thinking about her.

7) Pens that write well. I love pens that write well..because pens that don't..are kind of a tick off.

8) Lip gloss. Not only does it make my lips feel better...but it's shiny and pretty!

9) Going to libraries. I want to LIVE in a library...so. many. book. choices!

10) When my puppy lies on my feet. It means that he loves me. I like being loved.

11) Watching the stars.

12) Getting emails

13) Anything that's bright and colourful!

14) CHERRIES!

15) Drawings from small children

16) Photo booths. Especially when you try to cram more people than it's physically possible to cram into one.

17) Monkeys. Because who isn't happier when monkeys are around?

18) Silly people. The ones who make me laugh and smile.

19) Flowers.

20) Finding $20 in your old coat from the previous season

21) When cats purr because they're so happy.

22) Walking around aimlessly, just to take everything in

23a) The smell of babies 23b) Babies smiling 23c) Babies giggling

24) Dinner parties

25) Walking through grass in barefeet

26) New friends

27) Eating pistachios. YUUM!

28) Daydreaming


And that folks..is only a few of the reasons why life is good.

Bedtime Procrastination

I'm slowly but surely getting back into the habit of early mornings and early bedtimes..

But I still don't like it.

Especially when I have to be happy happy cheery cheery at 8am. To people.

I love my job and all..

But really..that's a lot to ask.

At least I'm not working market tomorrow. Happy happy cheery cherry at 6am is DEFINITELY not my friend.

Thank goodness for small mercies?

Hope for sunshine tomorrow...looks like we might be busy. It's a busy time of year.

I'm also anxiously awaiting news of the European Adventures. I hate waiting. I just want to KNOW already if this family will say yes to me or not..gah!

Okay, I've really got to stop procrastinating and get to bed. A real post..sometime soon. Maybe.

Pictures of work fun tomorrow maybe!

Also, is tomorrow national 'everyone get married' day? I think that everyone is getting married tomorrow. For real.

Okay, this is the worst post I've ever written. It's random, it's stupid, it's full of horrible spelling and gramatical errors.

Also, every 'sentence' (if you can even call them that..) seems to start on a new line.

Yeah, I'm cool like that.

Okay.

To bed.

For real.

Night Folks.

Summer Adventures

I cannot believe that it's the MIDDLE of JUNE. Umm..WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?!
I don't even know how this is possible. I'm REALLY quite confused!
Anyways. I'm bound and determined to be a better blogger. I really am. Hopefully. LOLOL!


So let's play catchup.

The start to this summer was..a little slow. There were some quality hangouts...a lot of Tim Hortons dates and some other general fun..but nothing TOO crazy..then one day..Nannon and I decided that we needed to have the BEST SUMMER EVER(tm). We decided that in ORDER to have the BEST SUMMER EVER(tm)...we needed to live by a few certain rules...

A) You need to be open to everything
B) You need to be willing to be severly exhausted
C) You can't use stupid excuses
D) You need to put yourself out there
E) Be random, silly and have fun
F) Don't care about what other people think


Those are the basic unwritten rules. Which are now written..as I just typed them. Hrm.

Anyways. So far, this philosophy has worked out QUITE well! There have been some fun random adventures so far..and I'm looking forward to many more! We have gone for coffee dates, but not just at our regular hangout - we've actually ventured around and about the lovely downtown this city has to offer! We've made a TON of new friends..we'll just go out and randomly start TALKING to people..and then suddenly we'll find someone we have in common (yeah, small town?) and then next thing you know..you have a bunch of new friends! I've just really stopped caring about what people THINK about me..I care..but I've kind of accepted that if people don't like me..that's too bad for them and I'm going to enjoy life to the fullest. I go out and will have some drinks and dance and meet new friends...Last night I went out with my friend JC and we walked around the park for 2+ hours, then went and sat in a coffee shop, and FINALLY, we grabbed pizza around 10pm, and went and sat on a dock down by the lake where we chatted more and laughed and ate pizza in the middle of the lake. It was awesome good times..and it was needed on both behalfs.

I'm in a bookclub with Shopgirl* - through which I've already met a ton of great people, and reconnected with others. It's nice to be able to just..go out and talk and laugh. I enjoy laughing and talking so much..you have no idea!

We've also just been..'hanging out'...sitting in Nannon's house talking and laughing...about nothing, about everything.

I've also decided that dragging Shopgirl* out with me everywhere is basically my mission for life this summer..LOLOL! It seems like every two seconds I'm like..Hey..wanna do this..Hey..you're coming here with me..I'll be there to pick you up in 20 minutes..LOL! Which is SO funny, because it's only since I discovered her blog that we've really became REAL friends. We KNEW each other, and ran in SORT OF similar circles, but things are just different now. It doesn't hurt that we have far too much in common and sometimes I think that she IS just me in a different body...LOL! Great friendships come in the least unexpected places..and that makes me happy :)

Things are also looking great for my European adventures. Not sure whether or not I mentioned it here, but I'll be moving overseas come the fall to be an aupair (a glorified nanny..haha). Even though it's not EXACTLY my field which I've gone to school for, it's still with children..and I don't think that I particularily WANT to teach next year. That, and this has always been one of those things on 'my list' that I just WANT to do, that I feel like I need to do. It's quite exciting! I really need to move ahead and get some of my profile for that done..but I've been quite busy at work!

Anyways, guess I better run. Just thought I should update!

Ta for now lovlies!

Ten Things

I know I've been awful at updating. It's life, it happens. Hopefully I'll get into a routine sooner rather than later. We'll see :)

ANYWAYS. I still don't REALLY feel like updating right now. So instead. Ten things. Enjoy!

TEN things you wish you could say to TEN different people right now:

1. I kind of want to be you. In the least creepy way possible.

2. Thanks..even though I know it's hard..I appreciate it.

3. Through everything, you make me smile and that's why I love you.

4. I wish you didn't drink so much..I worry about you.

5. It's crazy and impossible..but I can't help but dream.

6. It hurts that things are the way they are .

7. You're too academic and stuffy. Have some fun.

8. I wonder sometimes how much you're saying is the truth

9. I wish that you were here so that we could dance and laugh and drink and chat.

10. My life was filled with drama when you entered it..you're not a part of me anymore but your drama still follows me. I hate it with a passion.

NINE things about yourself:

1. I hate fighting with people.

2. I love pineapple.

3. I want to learn to play the gui-tar.

4. I am a huge procrastinator.

5. I'm actually quite shy.

6. I'm bad at standing up for myself.

7. I like to read..a lot.

8. I am terrified of failure.

9. I take too many photos.

EIGHT ways to win your heart:

1. Being kind and caring.

2. Being cute with children.

3. The eyes.

4. Smart and thoughtful.

5. Honest.

6. Understanding, accepting & compassionate.

7. Similar interests.

8. Good sense of humor.

SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot:

1. Where life is going

2. Work

3. Stupid blah

4. New adventures

5. Friends

6. Money

7. Travelling

SIX things you do before you fall asleep :

1. Say goodnight

2. Brush my teeth

3. Set my alarm

4. Read my book

5. Close my eyes

6. Think happy thoughts

FIVE people you can't live without:

1. Parents

2. Good friends

3. Happy people

4. Delivery guys

5. Le guys..hehe

FOUR things you're wearing right now:

.1. Sweater

2. Flip flops

3. Jeans

4. A ring

THREE songs that fit your life perfectly:

1. Iris - Goo Goo Dolls

2. Breakdown - Jack Johnson

3. Lullabye - Sean Mullens (Yes, I realize he's creepy and that everyone now HATES this song..but I still love it..haha)

TWO things you want to do before you die:

1. Travel the world

2. Have children

ONE confession:

1. I stole a lipgloss from a store when I was 4 because my mom said that I didn't need it and that she wasn't buying it for me. I hid it in my room and never used it. I still feel guilty, to this day.

En Francais SVP

Tonight I had the joy of going to my eleven year old cousins class production of a modern day 'Romeo and Juliet'. The class had been studying the middle east and the conflicts there..and as such they took a rather interesting slant on Romeo and Juliet with the whole idea of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict..Generally it went very well, they acted and worked their little butts off and I really enjoyed myself..even though the entire production was 'en francais' and my french is..well..weak! I understood enough to get by, and I did know at least a vague outline of the play..so that helped! It was really nice though, to be a part (even if only a small audience member part) of something that these cousins are a part of. For so many reasons there always seem to always be reason that we don't interact as much as I would like...so it was really refreshing to have the chance to go to something of theirs and see them..and I know that J was really happy that I was there and was BEAMING when I told her that I really liked the show and that I thought her acting was awesome (which it so rightly..was!) So on just the surface, I enjoyed myself immensely..but then as I am sitting here..I'm thinking about all of the effort that went into making this show successful. It's an amazing amount of work..the play is adapted by the teacher in charge..depending on the students and the resources and yadda yadda. They have a million and one props that are hand made, borrowed, bought or pled for...sets which are hand painted..lines which are rehearsed over and over again..and a million other minute details that are done. And as I was standing there tonight, I realized how much time, effort, love and patience has gone into this production..and how worth it it was to these kids..the fact that they brought this to life..was just..amazing..and it was all because they had an amazing teacher to help them and guide them into where they needed to be so that they could reach the potential they have.. It really hit home for me then..even though I didn't understand every single word, even though there were those little 'oops' moments where someone goofed...forgot a line or the wrong song played..they were all insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Those kids aren't going to remember the nitty gritty details of their math lesson or their english lesson..but they'll always remember putting together this grand production, working as a team and accomplishing something that they're incredibly proud of. It reinstilled in me what I want to be as a teacher, what I NEED to be as a teacher. I had become so worn down by all of the people who are out there..doing what they do simply for the paycheck, not for the love of it. Not because they really CARE. Teaching is about caring..teaching is about making a difference..and that's what this teacher did for his students..he gave them tools, resources and a way to become confident in their abilities to not only showcase themselves, but also to work together as a cohesive team. You could tell by the looks on those kids faces that they WORSHIPED him..because he respected them and cared enough to put his heart and soul into doing something meaningful for those kids. That's the kind of teacher I'm aiming to be..that's what I've always wanted to be..it's those moments when it suddenly hits you...that the smiles on those kids faces as they took their final bow..that is why I want to do more, to be more..they're why I want to make a difference. The language barrier may have been there..but when it came down to it..it language itself was relatively insignificant. Me being there wasn't REALLY about the play, sure on one level it was..but seeing what amazing teachers can do when they put their heart and soul into something..that's what I feel as though I was meant to see..to know that it really can and does happen..and that I cannot let myself be discouraged and that with a little (a lot?) of strength..I can eventually become the teacher I want to be..and do an amazing job doing it. Faith in the teaching profession is on the path to restoration..now all I need to do is find my place, my niche, on that path..one step at a time :)

Crazy Crazy

I often joke (mostly out of extreme fear) about becoming the 'crazy cat lady'. You know, the obscure one who lives alone with only her cats to keep her company. As much as I love cats, and especially MY own cats..this fear is something that drives me insane! I'm one of those people that most often, likes to be surrounded by people. As much as I know that this is my own conscious decision, and I can always choose to have lots of friends and family around me..I dunno..there is something about that old 'crazy cat lady' idea that nags at the back of my mind.

That said, I really do love my cats. They're the cutest of cute little things..and they really do have their own little personalities and funny little quirks. We've always had cats in the house as I was growing up..but right now we have FOUR in our house..and that's the most we've ever had and they're all quite wonderful lovely cats...I often find myself referring to them almost as though they're not pets, but children..and that's partly where my fear of turning into a crazy cat lady comes into view..haha!

Spot is the baby of the cats, and a dainty little princess..who always wants to get her way. She doesn't really like to go outside that much, unless the weather is absolutely PERFECT. She is skittish and doesn't take to new people well..she likes certain people and always wants attention from them..but anything new or noisy scares her. She has this funny little meow and will use it to get your attention if she needs you for something or wants something. She's extremely tiny in stature, and is the only of the cats whose weight doesn't fluctuate a lot..she stays at her regular 5ish pounds. My Dad calls her the 'neurotic' one...but in the end, everyone loves her. Sometimes the other cats pick on her or tease her, but then ten minutes later they'll be outside teaching her how to hunt chipmunks, or making sure that she has her turn at the food bowl, or just cuddled up on someones bed with her..they all look out for her and it's rather cute :)

If Spot is the baby of the cat family, then Callie is DEFINITELY the Mom. She's pretty easy going, nothing really bothers her..and she doesn't generally make a fuss about anything. If you move her from where she's sleeping..that's fine..if she gets a treat, that's fine..if not..eh..she'll be fine. She likes to keep the peace between the other cats, and has been found in the middle of a typical 'cat fight', on no ones side..simply trying to get the others to stop fighting about whatever they happen to be fighting about. She'll bathe Spot in the afternoon soon, and keep the 'guys' company when they're outside hunting..and just generally goes with the flow.

The king of our current cats is Tucker. He's the typical alpha male. Callie and Tucker are twins and look almost identical, especially in the summer when they weigh the same. The only difference really is that Tuck has a little more white under his chin and on his belly, and he has broken his tail, so it actually makes them quite easy to tell apart now..but when they were little..it was virtually impossible...but that's a cute story for another time! Anywho, Tuck likes to be the hunter and the protector and he's the boss of the rest of the cats. He really does take care of everyone..at night he'll make sure that all of the rest of the cats are inside before he settles down..one time Spot was outside and there was a thunderstorm and he came back to the house, meowed at the door until someone came to let him and then wouldn't come in, yet wouldn't stop meowing until we followed him outside to where Spot was hiding from the storm so that we could get her and bring her home. Tucker enjoys eating cheese, but only certain types of cheese..and it's as though he has 'cheese radar' as he can be ANYWHERE in the house and you take a certain type of cheese out of the fridge and he comes RUNNING. Take out a different kind and eh, he could care less..he'll just go on with his normal everyday routine. He generally enjoys little treats, but cheese and crackers with my dad is his favourite..and the reason why he gets so fat in the winter! Once spring comes though, he's rarely inside during the day and really only eats what he catches, which means he gets pretty thin, pretty fast..he has more fun hunting and climbing trees and running around than coming inside to eat dry old boring cat food.

Our latest addition to our cat clan is Mr. Grey. Unlike the rest of our tabbys, he's..well..Grey. He came to us this scrawny little imp, and has slowly but surely found his place here (and managed to get the cat equivilent of a beer belly). He is tough..he's not scared of anything, not at all skitterish and will strut around like he owns the place..which I honestly sometimes thinks that he does! I like to describe him as that crazy old uncle that everyone has in their family. The one that is always around and always THERE..but no one really knows WHY he's there or WHAT he's doing..or even how he fits into the picture..yet they love him regardless. He's the grumpy old man sitting in the background..who really has the kind heart when it comes down to it.

So those are a few of my pets..the cats of the family. I love them all so, they all have such individual personalities..and I wouldn't give them up for the world..even if it means that I'm slowly but surely turning into the 'crazy cat lady' that I fear being :P

Tipsy Turvy

The older I get, the more complicated life seems to get.

Take for instance when I was four. Lifes complications were HUGE to me then, but looking back on them..they were a piece of cake. Sometimes they were quite LITERALLY cake. How exactly do you manage to convince mom that leftover birthday cake IS an acceptable breakfast food? That was a big problem that my four year old mind had to work through. Other big problems involved deciding whether I wanted to play at the sand table OR the water table. Or sometimes the major deli ma's in my life surrounded which colour I wanted to put on my paint brush to create my latest master piece...red, blue or should I REALLY spice things up, mix them together and get a snazzy shade of purple!? Oh the problems of my four year old existence.

Now things seems to get more and more complicated the older I get..and I'm constantly torn between things...and I have no idea even where to start...No matter what I do in my life..I constantly feel as though something else is suffering. If I spend a lot of time with friends..I feel as though I should be spending more time with family..but then I feel as though I don't see my friends enough...and then I'm racked with guilt because I want to spend TONS of time with EVERYONE..but I just can't seem to figure out how to balance everything out. If I'm not working..I feel guilty because there are so many things that NEED to be done..but then if I'm at work I feel as though it would be lovely to just be able to spend some ME time..I feel guilty either way! I have no idea what I'm doing next year..I feel as though I want to just get up, pack up some things and leave..but I feel guilty leaving everyone and everything behind..there are things that are tying me here..which most people have not even the slightest idea what these things mean to me..but yet, they do tie me here..and it's hard to leave them, even if it is only temporarily.

I don't know what to do anymore..I feel as though no matter what I do..something is suffering, something or someone is being let down..and it's starting to wear me down. Life is like a rather tipsy turvy boat that's constantly changing directions every time I look up, and even sometimes when I'm not looking at all. What it all comes down to is the need for balance..the need for some sort of semblance that makes sense of everything...the only problem is..I have no idea where or how to start making sense of anything...or making decisions of any kind. I'm rather bad at decisions..especially these big life altering ones.

The decisions now are so overwhelming that my mind just wants to go back to being four...and be able to make those 'tough' four year old decisions once again. Just in case you hadn't figured out the answers to my four year old self's problems..the answers go a little like this:

A) You always make purple..because when you're four..purple is a fun 'girl' colour...which means 'pretty pictures'
B) The water table means you get to splish splash, thus it reigns supreme over the sand table.
C) When you're four and adorable, you simply need to bat your eyes, stick out your lower lip with a slight tremble and tell Daddy that Mommy won't let you have cake but you MUST have it for breakfast.

And then suddenly you have it, the answers to all of lifes pertinent questions.

Ah, if only life were ACTUALLY that simple.

Babysitting Escapades

Wow! So this week has FLOWN by..I honestly don't even know where to start. I keep coming home and then being about to write some sort of a post of one of the million things that I've been THINKING about writing..but then either start and don't finish or just never really start at all.

I think that it's one of my downfalls of blogging..when I actually do have something exciting to post about or something that I want to record because I've been thinking about it and it has been on my mind..I'm less likely to write about it or feel as though I can write about it because I'm out DOING it and living life and don't really have time..and then when I am at home I feel much more lethargic and dopey and don't really take the time to sit down and write as much as I would like to..because I'm tired or doing other things that need to be done.

So anyways. I've decided that I'm taking today off from doing work work..I might get around to some later in the day..but it's not really looking like it's going to happen. It's one of those not so productive days..which comes from a semi productive week..I've been on the go lately..just constantly. Working at my job..which I enjoy but sometimes find difficult because I'm working on my own and am trying to organize and get everything ready before we open...there is just so much to do that sometimes it's rather overwhelming. And then to top it off..I've been babysitting at night on top of that..which is lovely and wonderful..but draining as well.

I happen to be the regular babysitter of two of the most lovely and adorable kids who have ever existed..they make me beyond happy. Whenever I have the chance to babysit them I enjoy myself SO much. They have such amazing imaginations and ideas and love to come up with new games and tell me what they've learned lately and just be silly and goofy. We play many games and it takes me back to my own childhood..They enjoy things like 'What time is it Mr. Wolf' or "Red Light, Green Light" of COURSE..but we also can often be found playing 'Pirates' (We build a 'ship' in the living room out of chairs and couch cushions and any other sort of materials we can find) and then ward off attacks from other ships as we try to find treasure that is hidden on random islands that we come across in our travels. The kiddlets have also taken to playing 'Safari' which involves us going on dangerous missions to rescue animals and then sometimes having to have helicopters come and get us because we're lost in the middle of the rain forest. After playing a combination of some of these games..we'll go for a bike ride or a walk or play on the trampoline or do something fun outside to get rid of their energy..come inside and have some fruit (or if I'm feeling extra nice..some ice cream) for a snack and then suddenly it's bath time and bedtime for Q2 and Q1 is allowed to watch TV for half and hour while I read stories to Q2 before it's Q1's turn to have a bath, be read to and tucked in. This past week Q2 has taken to procrastinating even more than usual before bed..but I'm a total sucker for reading to kids and she KNOWS it..so she always ends up getting too many stories..but then she's been asking to be sung to before I leave the room..so I sit on the edge of her bed singing her songs that my parents use to sing to me and rubbing her back until she's on the verge of falling asleep before I go and find Q1 and get him ready for bed..

It's a rather enjoyable experience...albeit exhausting at times..they make me beyond happy..just to watch them and seeing them come up with amazing ideas and thoughts and silly things that make everyone giggle. Even if I wasn't being paid to babysit..I don't think that I'd really care..the money thing isn't really why I do things..sure, it's nice..but if I didn't enjoy it..I wouldn't be doing it. When it's fun and enlightening and fills your heart with happiness..that's when you know it's something that you should be doing. And now I think that I'm going to climb back into bed, read my book and continue on with my lazy LAZY day. If only the weather would warm up so that I could have a lazy day in the sunshine! Ah..now that would REALLY fill my heart with happiness!

Friend Families

Lately I've had the pleasure to start hanging out with some of my best friends siblings. Now, you have to understand that I LOVE my best friends to bits..and I love their families..and despite not knowing their siblings THAT well, I already love them by association. It's so funny..because as I become older the more I realize that the people I'm closest with, the friends I hold dearest to my heart..are the people whose families are most similar to my own. We all share similar values and beliefs and morals..and I think that is part of the reason why we all get along so well. Once you add in additional siblings and cousins and other members of the family who also share these similar views..you end up with this fun group of people who are all so similar to you and who you get along with quite wonderfully..which is..AWESOME!

This last year, one of my best friends (For the purpose of this blog..we shall call her [the best friend] Nannon) sisters (Said sister of the best friend has requested that her nickname be spelt with an ie when she was informed that I was going to write a blog about her..haha! So I present to you..the sister of Nannon..Hammie.) moved from her hometown to this lovely little town. She lived in residence, made lots of new friends and had a generally quite wonderful first year at Hippie U...from what I've heard at least! She's now moved in with Nannon..and thus comes as one of those built in friends. Despite being a few years younger than us, she's quite lovely and wonderful to hang out with. We've had the pleasure of having LOTS of hangouts this past week..and it makes me happy to have her around for the summer to keep me company. I really enjoy when random friendships such as this one just..appear. It's not necessary to TRY very hard at them, you already have things in common with them and it's another person who you can laugh with and have silly inside jokes with....and just have an all around good time with. It's nice that we can just hang out so easily without really even KNOWING each other that well..and are quickly becoming good friends!

This past weekend brought many siblings and family members of some of my best friends into the same realm as each other..and I love them all dearly. We can laugh for hours, go out and be silly, or just sit around talking...all the while having a quite lovely time. My friends are some of the dearest people in the world...and I wouldn't change them for anything...and I really don't feel like I need much more in life as long as I have them in my life...But then add to that the fact that I not only have have AMAZING best friends who I love to bits, who take me as I am and who know me better than myself..but within the package of their loveliness I also get an extended family...that's more than I could ever ask for! Within their families are people who love me, care about me and are generally beyond amazing...so not only do I have best friends..but I have best friend families..who encompass all of the best parts of said best friends..in large groups of wonderful people!

So yes, I've decided that I'm quite happy that Hammie has moved north and has joined our cute and quaint little friend family..she's a wonderful addition!

And, as a bonus..I no longer am the baby of the group of friends! Our Hammie now has that distinction of being the youngest...SCORE!

Little Miss..

As I've been reading Shop Girls* blog I've noticed that her family has a lot of little inside jokes, sayings and other such cute stories. They're rather adoreable to read about..so I thought I would share a story of my own family that I happened to remember the other day.

I have one brother, who happens to be EXACTLY 2 years, 4 months and 14 hours younger than me. (Why I know this, I don't really know. Actually, I just figured it out....Wow..I'm a little bit of a loser today) So anyways, he's slightly younger than me..which means that he started out school slightly after me. (Makes sense eh? Younger child starting school after older child :P)

I have to explain that this particular stories takes place way back in the days when kindergarten was only half days..and you either went for the mornings or you went for the afternoons. Thus, since we were country kids, we were bussed home at noon, or picked up everyday at noon and taken to school.

During my brothers first stint at school, he came home with many stories...Things that they were doing, new friends, new experiences, etc. Although he wasn't a talkative child in public..he could be quite the talker in the quiet of our own home..so he would come home talking about this or that or various different things that had happened.

So one day he came home and ran off the bus, excited as could be to tell my parents that they had a new bus driver..

And then he dropped the bomb shell. When they asked what her name was he exclaimed.."HER NAME IS MISS PIGGY!!!!!!!!!!"

So of course, my parents laughed and titterd..because that clearly couldn't be her name, even though he was INSISTENT that it WAS her name. In my six and a half year old glory, I become irrationally jealous that he had a muppet for a bus driver. It was days later before I finally saw her and realized that she wasn't ACTUALLY a muppet...which was actually QUITE a disappointing blow for a six year old..

But not quite as disappointing as it was for my brother when my parents finally inquired about the name of the new bus driver..

..Turns out that she'd told the kids to call her Miss. Peggy.

Ah the joys of four year olds and their inability to tell the difference between i's and e's :)

Living Things

Today was spent being not nearly productive in any way, shape or form. But I'm okay with that. I have this secret love of taking pictures..but I'm not good at it at all..I feel as though it's one of those things that can be learnt and developed..to a degree..but I also think that it takes natural talent..like a lot of things in life. I wish that I could take better photos..and have been considering for quite some time taking a course to learn about various important things to do with photography..Light, angles, etc. etc. But alas..Until recently..I've been a broke student who has no access to a decent camera and no access to funds for lessons, let alone a camera that would allow me to further this dream. So today I bring you my collect of random walking around photos..Which do disclose my identity quite a lot if you know me or have ever been to my house! Giant leaps away from anonymity I say!

I shall entitle this collection..Living Things. Enjoy!

New life - Just planted. Only a few days in the ground - a newbie!

Life attempting to poke its way through the bush

Rocks are not living. But the people who piled them here were.

This tree has been living a long time..and has the character to prove it.

Le puppy is living! And he will probably use that ginormous tongue of his to attempt to eat OTHER living things.

Although without leaves it looks as though it's not living..it really is.

Hiding amongst it's non-living friends..a living thing makes an appearance. Can you spot it? ;)

The sprinkler gives living things a refreshing drink.

A tree that looks as though it really is living!

Flowers are living..they mean spring has sprung.

A new life for young blueberry plants.
The barn is not living! But look closer, and you shall see that the vines growing on it are infact living.

The maple tree is living. So is the young family in the distance.

Weeds are living, but what pray tell is living inside the pipeline?

The trellis is not living. But it is made of things that use to be living..and is a home for many living plants in the months to come.

The footprints were made by living things. This is also the home to grass seed, which will soon be living.

Rhubard is living. Which makes me happy, because soon it will be living in my belly, in the form of rhubarb pie.

This truck is no longer living, but it once led a glorious live life filled with many an adventure.

My brother killed my old bicycle, ending its life as a normal bike. He then proceeded to preform life saving surgery, added a lawn motor engine..and revived it to be a living vehicle once again. Albeit a scary living vehicle which lacks any form of brakes.


Living things need water, like these clouds will bring.

They also need sun, which pokes its head out from behind the clouds.

The puppy is living.

My shoe that he has stolen on the other hand..

..He has ensured that it is dead. Good and dead.




The cherry tree is living and will make many a bird happy and full and help them to live once it gives us yet another lovely bout of cherries this summer.

Wake Up Slow..

I'm not one of those people who can just sleep until noon. When my alarm goes off..I either wake up in a daze, press snooze and fall back to sleep until the alarm goes off again..or I'm awake and ready to start the day. Once I'm awake..I'm awake..and I figure I might as well get up and get going..if I lie in bed any longer I'll just fall back asleep and never get going..

But lately I've had late starts..which of course means that I don't get to bed very early..but that's okay..because I don't need to get up nearly as early as I have been..

So today my alarm went off..and I drowsily hit the snooze button a few times..

I've now physically MOVED my alarm clock to the other side of the bedroom because if it's on my night table I hit it while I'm still half asleep and have been known to turn it off while still half asleep and then never wake up and be late..whoops! So I have to ACTUALLY sit up, get out of bed, put my feet on the cold floor (which is a rather rude awakening in itself) and walk (leap?) a few steps before I can reach the snooze button. Because the weather lately has been rather chilly..the last few steps of my hitting the snooze button has included bolting back to my bed, jumping under the covers and snuggling back into whatever dream I had been having.

But this morning...by about the fourth time..I hit the silly alarm..and then jumped back into bed..I was awake. Okay, so not REALLY awake. But semi awake...and even before the snooze button could go off again..I was drifting in and out of consciousness..but instead of just either forcing myself to close my eyes and capture a few more minutes of precious sleep, or forcing myself to get up and get started with my day..I just sort of lay there. The air in the room was frigidly cold with this ridiculous weather we've been having..and I could hear the pitter patter of raindrops on the roof..but I was deliciously warm and comfortable snuggled up in my blankets..

As I lay there..the alarm now turned off, just waking up slowly..I came to the conclusion that THAT is one of the BEST ways to wake up. To drift back and forth between awake and asleep..to wake up rested and refreshed..not forcing yourself to get out of bed..but slowly climitizing yourself to the day and allowing yourself to wake up slowly and enjoy waking up..instead of it being a chore.

And now instead of feeling tired and worn out..I'm awake, rested and ready to go. I'm excited to start my day..I feel refreshed..like today is really going to be a GOOD day. WOOHOO!

It doesn't hurt that it's Friday...which means WEEKEND!!! YAAAAAAAY!

Bitter..Cynical..Hopeful?

I'm honestly beginning to believe that procrastination is my middle name.

Anonymous Procrastinator McOnymous.

That's ACTUALLY my name folks. Seriously. I'm not even kidding. Okay, so I am. But just a LITTLE. :P I've been so bad at updating in any shape or form lately. And you don't even want to know what I do with my spare time..I literally just sit here and am a zombie. I play random computer games..listen to music..read..and sometimes watch tv. I need to get off my butt and actually do something productive..although I did have a quite exciting day today! Although the excitement falls into that 'I can't talk about it because it pertains to my real life sort of life'..and thus anonymity becomes an issue. But let's just say..it was a rather large stepping stone, I was given immense amounts of responsiblity and it was surreal to say the least. WHOA!

So ANYWAYS. School is done. Mostly. I'm just going this silly little bit of practicum and then I'm freee! I'm excited for it to be summer..although we had SNOW the other day..so I don't really know how close summer is. Yes, you heard me correctly..we had SNOW. Mother nature is one cruel and unusual lady. The temperatures soar into the mid twenties..and now I freeze at night because we're hitting 0 degrees. Actually 0. Since when is that even allowed to happen in APRIL..let alone MAY.

Which brings me to my next topic. How the bloody hell is it MAY already?! Honestly! The year is just flying by and I have NO idea how it's happening! I think that I say that every year..and probably say it at the beginning of every month (well, not that it's MAY..because that would just be silly..but I say 'How in the world is it (fill in the month) already!?') I really just want to have a fun and exciting summer..and I'm hoping that it'll work out. I hope that work isn't too stressful (although it usually ends up being far more stressful than I ever could have imagined..ugh!) and that there isn't too much drama (ha..ha..here's to hoping!) and that it can just be a peaceful, relaxing, FUN summer. That's all I want.

Well, I lie. I want a lot of things...there is always something else that I want..chocolate..a nice boy..world peace..they all fit in there on my wants and desires list somewhere.

Speaking of boys..I'm fairly convinced that this town is severely lacking in nice, available boys. There are some who are nice and lovely..but taken. Then there are the ones who are nice and available..but not interested in girls what-so-ever...and then there are the ones who ARE available..but are mostly only looking to be jerks and find girls go home with after the bar. Any ones who are nice, available and interested in girls..seem to be snapped up before you know it..and it's rather frustrating..which is yet another reason why I feel the need to leave this town. That, and when everyone knows each other or is related to each other..it gets rather awkward when you're like..ooh..right..I remember you..you're my third cousin. Awkwaaaaaard. My grandmother would actually go through my yearbook when I was in high school and point out the people that I was related to and try to give me a family tree history. It was then that I decided that anyone from my hometown who I was interested had to go through the 'grandma detection' to ensure a lack of family ties..especially if they were from around the area..the ones who had been transplanted from other larger cities..I wasn't too worried about..but luckily it's usually the locals that sketch me out the most anyways. Most of the time..it's a generalization..but that's life.

I think my problem is that I just have this perfect little idea of the perfect boy for me stuck in my head..and as much as I know that it may not exist..I at least want SOME of the qualities that said imaginary boy holds...I'm not really willing to compromise on certain things..and I don't think that I should..I don't think that anyone should.

The real problem is that I'm this little romantic deep down inside. Really, not even far from the surface..because I am definitely the emotional sucker/sap/etc. and always have been. I want this little fairy tale..but not even really the fairy tale..I just want something half decent..although I would take the fairytale in a heartbeat. LOL! I know that it's silly to want that..and I know that I've probably been brainwashed by millions of stereotypes and false images that don't REALLY exist..or if they do are few and far between..and even then..cannot be perfect...because NOTHING is really ever perfect. And I know that relationships, especially the good ones take mounds and mounds of work and effort..but there is still a part of me that longs for a nice boy..someone who even if it's not a fairy tale..treats you like you are a princess..in the littlest of ways..just doing nice things for the sake of doing nice things. Someone who cares about the little things and listens and is there..I don't care about chocolate or flowers or being rescued from an evil fire breathing dragons (but extra points to a boy if he DOES)..I just want a nice boy who comes home and kisses me hello and asks how my day was..

In all reality..I want someone who I can travel with..and have fun and crazy adventures with. Someone who will push me to be the person I want to be..but will hold my hand and jump with me when I need them to. I want someone who doesn't care that the dishes are always done 10 minutes after every meal..and I want someone who comes home and builds forts with the kids in the living room..I want someone who enjoys going for a walk after dinner..and doesn't mind getting up early on a Saturday to go take someone to ballet lessons or hockey games or make an extra stop on the way home because I forgot to get balloons for a birthday party. I want someone who remembers that I don't like to eat cooked carrots..and every now and then has to be reminded that the phone bill is due..I want to have someone who I can sit and talk with for hours..just talking about silly ridiculous random stuff. I want someone who I can collapse with on the couch after a long week and drink a bottle of wine with and pass out with on the couch with..only to realize 12 hours later that sleeping on the couch all night is never as good as an idea as it seemed at the time. Someone who will dance with me..even if he doesn't know how to dance..and someone who isn't afraid to say what needs to be said. I want that house filled with kids who slide across wooden floors in their sock feet..filled with neighbourhood kids who always seem to come out of the woodwork. I want a dog, a cat and probably a hamster because someone HAD to have them for their birthday or they'd just die...because everyone ELSE in their class got a hamster. I want lazy summer days in the backyard..vacations to cottages and the east coast...days where everyone is home sick because we keep passing each other silly colds..and a kitchen that makes the best cookies in the neighbourhood.

I guess my idea of perfection is this little cliche life. I want the good stuff..but I kind of want the not so good stuff as well..I want this little life filled with the good and the bad..because it's always the bad that makes the good that much better...and that all starts out with finding a nice boy. Which, as I've previously discussed..does not seem to exist within the confines of this quaint little town. Even most people I know who have FOUND nice boys and exist with said boys here..have had their boys relocate from other areas. Le SIGH. Oh well..I'll just go on being my little hopeless romantic..who has all of these dreams about her so called perfect little life. Actually. Strike that. I'm not a hopeless romantic..I may be becoming bitter and cynical..but there is still hope that someday I'll find some sort of my perfect little dream life. I don't care if I get it all..Life always has a different direction and a different path in which it can lead..it never goes the way that you expect it to..but it usually has a funny way of working out..so I'm not a hopeless romantic..If I do say so myself..I'd like to believe that I'm a hopeful romantic. Maybe. We'll see how much longer I can hold out on that front ;)

Lullabies

Spring time really makes me happy..there is something so refreshing about the spring..but there are many reasons why I love this season so..one of them being nighttime.

The evening in the spring is much different than other seasons..the nights are beginning to become warm..but not TOO warm. You can go outside in only a sweater and usually be perfectly comfortable...which is quite nice if you ask me! You're able to go for walks and look at the stars and just enjoy the peaceful serenity of the night.

I love that I can sleep with my windows open and comfortably sleep throughout the night enjoying the cool air while cuddling under my blankets..there is something extremely comforting to me about sleeping with my windows open..I love it.

Another reason that I love being able to sleep with my window open is the sounds I can hear while drifting off to sleep..I've found that this scares most people (especially the city folks) who are fearful of leaving their windows open..but I enjoy it to an utmost degree. The reason that I love these sounds so is that they're so..peaceful. Listening as an owl hoots its sorrowful song..or to the branches swaying in the wind..I love drifting off to sleep with these comforting sounds. My favourite (by far) though is the sound that the frogs make. I happen to live close to a water source..and in spring the sounds of frogs are EVERYWHERE. Millions of tiny voices singing songs to each other..looking for their mate..calling out to no one in particular..it's refreshing. It's one of the reasons why I love living where I live so very much. At night, as the darkness falls...I love going outside to listen to the sounds of the frogs..and then as I climb into bed..I close my eyes and drift off into a peaceful slumber to my frog lullabies..

And honestly..who DOESN'T love being serenaded to sleep?

..Even if it is by a frog? :P

The End Is Near..

I've found this journal hard to write in a lot of respects...mostly because of the anonymity aspect. It's more difficult than you would imagine! There are so many things that really do give me away and tell people who I am..which I've come to grips with more in the past little while..but still am completely unsure about whether or not I really want to disclose my true identity.

I think that the reason I find this so difficult is that there are so many things that go on in my daily life that are unique happenings to what is going on in my own particular life..and thus if anyone who knew these things would be able to uncover my hidden identity immediately.

Anyways, the weather here lately has been AMAZING..totally unseasonal (thanks global warming! :)..but still lovely and amazing. It's crazy what good weather can do for my mood. Well, good weather AND being OH SO close to completing school. YAY!

I spent virtually the entire weekend just..enjoying myself. It seems as though this year I've been on the go for far too long. I've spent so much time worrying, anxious and attempting to get everything completed that needed to be completed..and haven't spent nearly enough time on myself. Whenever life gets busy and things are on the go..I tend to neglect myself..which is okay for a little while..because sometimes there are other things that are just way more important..but when it goes on and on for this long..it's just not healthy anymore.

I feel as though I've spent so much time this year doing everything else that I was zapped and burning out...I knew it wasn't a permenant thing..but still..it's scary to think about what this program and the stress of life can do to a person. What I really want is to spend some time just..being me. I just want to be able to give myself a jump start and get things moving..but still have time to be able to relax and remember what I'm doing and where I'm going with my life..or rather..what I'm going to do and where I'm going to go in my life. Oh the possibilities!

Anywho. I guess I should run and get to bed fairly soon..need to be up early again in the morning...

I shall have more exciting posts sometime soon I hope!

And don't forget to stay tuned, as I feel I may disclose my identity with random life details..fairly soon :O

Five Dollar Bills

Yesterday I had to go out and get a few items from one of those big, annoying box stores. It was just easiest to do this..and although I'm not so much a fan of these corporate mizzle pazzle places..(and have been severely trying to restrict my purchases from said places) I found myself upon their doorstep yesterday afternoon.

Anyways, I quickly entered the store..managed to find the few specific items that I was looking for..and probably another one or two that I wasn't looking for..and struggled through seas of screaming children and random 'four in the afternoon' shoppers to find my way to a checkout.

After quickly glancing up and down at the different registers I decided that it just wasn't worth it to wait in line for the convience of having someone else bag my few items and say that oh so scripted 'Hello, how are you today' with absolutely no enthusiasm in their voice what-so-ever. So I got in line for one of those pesky little self checkout things that more often than not beep every two seconds..and waited. And waited. And then I waited some more.

Finally it was my turn to scan my purchases and (hopefully!) be on my merry way to bigger and better destinations. Alas, the woman who was in front of me was taking longer than most people would..especially since she had already completed her purchase and was supposed to have moved on. (You of course can tell this by the annoying green flashing light above the self checkout station). Well it seemed upon closer inspection that the machine had decided to yell random things at her. It was telling her to 'take her change' (She had paid by credit card..thus..no change?) and that she needed to take her receipt (which she hadn't done because the machine had been yelling at her to take her change, of which, there was non and shouldn't have been any). So finally, she starts to walk off in a daze, and I run up to her and hand her the receipt, which she has still forgotten. I then go on my merry way ringing in my purchases and bagging them. I pay quickly and while I'm waiting for *my* receipt to print, I notice a crisp five dollar bill sitting in the change bay of the checkout.

I look around..slightly confused as to who this belongs to. I didn't really KNOW what to do...did I take it, shove it in my purse and forget about it? Surely not. I'm not one of those people that can just forget about something like that and not feel ridiculously guilty. Did I hand it in to the guy overseeing the checkouts? He would likely only pocket the money and not feel guilty in the least. Did I try to find the woman who had been before me in hopes that I could catch her and return her five dollars which had evidentally been the change that the machine had been yelling at her to take? But she had moved on well before this point and was likely already in her car and about to leave..So did I just leave it for some unsuspecting customer who followed me to take and shove in their purse/wallet/other random money holding device? I was at a loss for what to do..

After a brief hesitation, and a glaring look from the next lady in line as the green light above me had started to flash and I still hadn't removed my receipt or moved out of the way, I quickly scooped up the bill, grabbed my receipt and proceeded out of the store.

As I made my way through yet again more throngs of people, I wondered what I was going to do..the woman was surely in her car by now..and really...it was only five dollars..it wasn't as though I had found a particularly large sum of money that anyone would REALLY miss THAT terribly. But yet, I still felt extremely guilty..I didn't really know what to do..the comfort came when I decided that if I didn't see the woman on my walk to the car, I would find someone who needed the money and give it to them instead. So I walked out of the store feeling slightly less guilty..and scanned the parking lot looking for any glimpse of the woman who had been in front of me...when low and behold..I spotted her!

I quickly beelined over to her and explained that the machine had been trying to give her change and that I had found the five dollars and wanted to return it to her. She looked at me peculiarly and said that she couldn't imagine anyone ever returning money that they had found..let alone an amount so small and relatively insignificant. She said that it restored her faith in people to know that there were people in the world who still thought of others before themselves and that it gave her hope for the future.

We talked for another few seconds and like a flash, I was back into my own world heading on my merry way...her words still lingering in my head. I cannot imagine a world where people don't care for each other..but maybe that is because I simply do not operate that way...It's just not how I am...whether it be five dollars or five hundred dollars..that is not the issue. It's the reasoning behind it...it's the moral and ethical issues that play such a major role in determining who we are...and the person who I want to be is the person who is honest, trustworthy and someone who cares about other people in whatever way possible...whether it be a smile, five dollars or a simple have a nice day. When it all boils down to it..it's the little things that matter most. It's the little things that have the most opportunity to change the world..not only can you piece them together to create a tidal wave of change..but you can inspire someone else to be a better person, to pay it forward..simply by setting the example.

So as I left, I realized that maybe just this once..the big box store wasn't so bad. It had taught me a lesson about myself and the person I want to be..and I hope to believe that I inspired someone else to think about their actions and the example they want to set for someone else..but I still felt guilty as I had already partially earmarked that five dollars for someone who I decided desperately needed it as a way to ease my conscience. As I pondered this at a red light..I made another rash decision and took out an old crinkled five dollar bill, stuck it in the back of my wallet where I hide all of my receipts and other daily junk. I silently decided to keep it for the next rainy day when I came across someone down on their luck needs a helping hand up...in hopes of perhaps inspiring them to do whatever they could to pay it forward in whatever way they can. It's not like it was a large sum of money..but in most cases like these..I don't think that it's always the money that matters. To me, the money is just money..I'll never notice a simple five dollar bill missing from my current wallet..I'm not nearly that careful with my money that I would...but it was the statement behind the money..the thought that someone actually cares enough to reach out in whatever way possible...even if it's only a few dollars. I hadn't even given anyone the money..yet the simple act of giving, even in theory, inspired me so much that I've challenged myself to a new sort of challenge..whether it be five dollars, five minutes or five seconds...I'm challenging myself to do something small, each and every day..to help someone..to show someone I care..to try and make a difference in the lives of others..and hopefully inspire others to try to do the same..without even knowing it. Who knows..maybe those two five dollar bills can change the world. You never know...it could happen.