Bitter..Cynical..Hopeful?

I'm honestly beginning to believe that procrastination is my middle name.

Anonymous Procrastinator McOnymous.

That's ACTUALLY my name folks. Seriously. I'm not even kidding. Okay, so I am. But just a LITTLE. :P I've been so bad at updating in any shape or form lately. And you don't even want to know what I do with my spare time..I literally just sit here and am a zombie. I play random computer games..listen to music..read..and sometimes watch tv. I need to get off my butt and actually do something productive..although I did have a quite exciting day today! Although the excitement falls into that 'I can't talk about it because it pertains to my real life sort of life'..and thus anonymity becomes an issue. But let's just say..it was a rather large stepping stone, I was given immense amounts of responsiblity and it was surreal to say the least. WHOA!

So ANYWAYS. School is done. Mostly. I'm just going this silly little bit of practicum and then I'm freee! I'm excited for it to be summer..although we had SNOW the other day..so I don't really know how close summer is. Yes, you heard me correctly..we had SNOW. Mother nature is one cruel and unusual lady. The temperatures soar into the mid twenties..and now I freeze at night because we're hitting 0 degrees. Actually 0. Since when is that even allowed to happen in APRIL..let alone MAY.

Which brings me to my next topic. How the bloody hell is it MAY already?! Honestly! The year is just flying by and I have NO idea how it's happening! I think that I say that every year..and probably say it at the beginning of every month (well, not that it's MAY..because that would just be silly..but I say 'How in the world is it (fill in the month) already!?') I really just want to have a fun and exciting summer..and I'm hoping that it'll work out. I hope that work isn't too stressful (although it usually ends up being far more stressful than I ever could have imagined..ugh!) and that there isn't too much drama (ha..ha..here's to hoping!) and that it can just be a peaceful, relaxing, FUN summer. That's all I want.

Well, I lie. I want a lot of things...there is always something else that I want..chocolate..a nice boy..world peace..they all fit in there on my wants and desires list somewhere.

Speaking of boys..I'm fairly convinced that this town is severely lacking in nice, available boys. There are some who are nice and lovely..but taken. Then there are the ones who are nice and available..but not interested in girls what-so-ever...and then there are the ones who ARE available..but are mostly only looking to be jerks and find girls go home with after the bar. Any ones who are nice, available and interested in girls..seem to be snapped up before you know it..and it's rather frustrating..which is yet another reason why I feel the need to leave this town. That, and when everyone knows each other or is related to each other..it gets rather awkward when you're like..ooh..right..I remember you..you're my third cousin. Awkwaaaaaard. My grandmother would actually go through my yearbook when I was in high school and point out the people that I was related to and try to give me a family tree history. It was then that I decided that anyone from my hometown who I was interested had to go through the 'grandma detection' to ensure a lack of family ties..especially if they were from around the area..the ones who had been transplanted from other larger cities..I wasn't too worried about..but luckily it's usually the locals that sketch me out the most anyways. Most of the time..it's a generalization..but that's life.

I think my problem is that I just have this perfect little idea of the perfect boy for me stuck in my head..and as much as I know that it may not exist..I at least want SOME of the qualities that said imaginary boy holds...I'm not really willing to compromise on certain things..and I don't think that I should..I don't think that anyone should.

The real problem is that I'm this little romantic deep down inside. Really, not even far from the surface..because I am definitely the emotional sucker/sap/etc. and always have been. I want this little fairy tale..but not even really the fairy tale..I just want something half decent..although I would take the fairytale in a heartbeat. LOL! I know that it's silly to want that..and I know that I've probably been brainwashed by millions of stereotypes and false images that don't REALLY exist..or if they do are few and far between..and even then..cannot be perfect...because NOTHING is really ever perfect. And I know that relationships, especially the good ones take mounds and mounds of work and effort..but there is still a part of me that longs for a nice boy..someone who even if it's not a fairy tale..treats you like you are a princess..in the littlest of ways..just doing nice things for the sake of doing nice things. Someone who cares about the little things and listens and is there..I don't care about chocolate or flowers or being rescued from an evil fire breathing dragons (but extra points to a boy if he DOES)..I just want a nice boy who comes home and kisses me hello and asks how my day was..

In all reality..I want someone who I can travel with..and have fun and crazy adventures with. Someone who will push me to be the person I want to be..but will hold my hand and jump with me when I need them to. I want someone who doesn't care that the dishes are always done 10 minutes after every meal..and I want someone who comes home and builds forts with the kids in the living room..I want someone who enjoys going for a walk after dinner..and doesn't mind getting up early on a Saturday to go take someone to ballet lessons or hockey games or make an extra stop on the way home because I forgot to get balloons for a birthday party. I want someone who remembers that I don't like to eat cooked carrots..and every now and then has to be reminded that the phone bill is due..I want to have someone who I can sit and talk with for hours..just talking about silly ridiculous random stuff. I want someone who I can collapse with on the couch after a long week and drink a bottle of wine with and pass out with on the couch with..only to realize 12 hours later that sleeping on the couch all night is never as good as an idea as it seemed at the time. Someone who will dance with me..even if he doesn't know how to dance..and someone who isn't afraid to say what needs to be said. I want that house filled with kids who slide across wooden floors in their sock feet..filled with neighbourhood kids who always seem to come out of the woodwork. I want a dog, a cat and probably a hamster because someone HAD to have them for their birthday or they'd just die...because everyone ELSE in their class got a hamster. I want lazy summer days in the backyard..vacations to cottages and the east coast...days where everyone is home sick because we keep passing each other silly colds..and a kitchen that makes the best cookies in the neighbourhood.

I guess my idea of perfection is this little cliche life. I want the good stuff..but I kind of want the not so good stuff as well..I want this little life filled with the good and the bad..because it's always the bad that makes the good that much better...and that all starts out with finding a nice boy. Which, as I've previously discussed..does not seem to exist within the confines of this quaint little town. Even most people I know who have FOUND nice boys and exist with said boys here..have had their boys relocate from other areas. Le SIGH. Oh well..I'll just go on being my little hopeless romantic..who has all of these dreams about her so called perfect little life. Actually. Strike that. I'm not a hopeless romantic..I may be becoming bitter and cynical..but there is still hope that someday I'll find some sort of my perfect little dream life. I don't care if I get it all..Life always has a different direction and a different path in which it can lead..it never goes the way that you expect it to..but it usually has a funny way of working out..so I'm not a hopeless romantic..If I do say so myself..I'd like to believe that I'm a hopeful romantic. Maybe. We'll see how much longer I can hold out on that front ;)