Long Overdue Babble

Okay, okay.

So I know it's been a while..ugh! I'm awful at keeping up when things get busy..Despite reading..that's about all that I can keep up with..I want to comment on entries and have things to say..and then I just sit at the computer and think to myself.."wow..I'm really tired..I think that I'll just sit here and be a zombie"...so thus..I do. I feel awful because I know that there are a lot of people who I want to communicate with..but I've just been so exhausted..and now I'm out of the house from 8am-5pm (minimum) everyday..so by the time I get home, get all of the stuff done that needs to be done, make a lunch for the next day, shower and whatever..I don't really feel like doing much of anything else! I need to find a way to get more energy because I'm just DRAINED right now. I feel like I haven't had a proper 'break' in a really long time..and despite having time off..I haven't really had time to just 'relax' and do NOTHING..at least not without feeling guilty...which isn't much time off at all!

So let's try to recap the week with some highlights:

* Small children are hilarious and wonderful and they make me smile..all of the time.
* I made homemade lasagne which I hadn't made for a LONG time (both a meat/tomatoe & a veggie/cheese)..and it actually turned out well! I brought it to an event and everyone loved it!
* I almost had a heart attack when I thought that a MAJOR MAJOR assignment was due next week..turns out it's due next MONTH. Whew!
* Marks are up..and I did well. I'm happy..and that's all that matters.
* I'm worried about next year and what I'm going to do and how that's going to go..I just really don't know what is going to happen..and I'm so tired of thinking about it that I've just stopped.
* It's the long weekend and I have to work three of the four days..EWW!
* I went to a meeting today..and sat there yawning the entire time (and feeling guilty for yawning because it is a very important topic..) because I am just REALLY tired


Let's see what else happened..I went out to dinner with some girls from school tonight..and it was..lovely.

I had a drink called a 'Manilla Sunset' (doesn't it just SOUND like paradise!?) and ordered a crazy fun thai dish..(isn't it odd how I ordered thai food at a thai restaurant..duh!) It was generally just lovely company and lovely food..and I enjoyed myself throughly. I really need to spend more time like that just enjoying the moment and really living..because it's just not worth it otherwise...I get so caught up saying that I'm too tired and that I'll go next time and making these dumbass excuses..and then I miss out on things..and I never get anywhere..and I just really need to seize the day.

I'm generally just fed up with myself right now..I don't feel like I'm doing the best I can do at anything right now..and have been having these flashes of self doubt and frustration and I just want to curl into a ball and sleep. Between going away this winter (which, don't get my wrong, was lovely and amazing and one of the best things EVER) and then working while going to school and having opportunities to work in the field..it's just been a draining year. I feel zapped. Zapped of energy, zapped of emotion, zapped of creativity. I just need to go somewhere and refresh..I need to recharge my batteries and spend a week (nay, a month) getting massages and sleeping..instead of worrying and being frustrated and whatever..Or I just need to find a way to fix that on my own without those things..

Right now I'm just counting down the days..hoping that the feelings of inadequacy disappear with time..I hate self doubt..it's definitely one of my biggest downfalls.

Okay, I'd better get to bed fairly soon..I'm working the next three days..so I'm going to be DEAD come Monday..it's a good thing that I have the day off or I'd most likely go INSANE.

Hope all is well in journal land..♥!