Skeletons

Everyone has skeletons. Everyone has family who has skeletons. They can be large skeletons..or they can be small skeletons..but there are skeletons none the less. I don't think that anyone can exist without having their own or someone else's skeletons hiding in their closet.

It's amazing how many little (and I use the term little loosely..) secrets are kept..especially within families. We spend so much time and effort putting on that 'happy face' and pretending that everything is always okay and wonderful and that things don't go wrong and that you can still manage to be that picture perfect little family. Growing up I faced that a lot..the make believe game where you put on that front that things were never wrong...and you hid all of your secrets behind closed doors because things just weren't talked about.

Even now, there are still things that just aren't talked about. There are family secrets that I'm dying to know about..but only know bits and pieces because you just don't talk about that stuff.

Then this morning while the radio was on..I heard a news story. And living in a fairly small town...you end up knowing a lot of people. Anyways, one particular story captured my attention. Another drug bust..and it's sad to say..but I immediately thought of a distant relative (a third cousin) who has been in a lot of trouble in the past in regards to the drugs in particular that they were talking about. Now, this isn't a close relative by any means..but due to some circumstances our families have been interacting more than usual in the last while. So in the back of my mind..I wondered if he had something to do with this..as every time I hear of a serious hard drug bust in the area..he's always somehow been connected.

Turns out this time that he was not only connected, but involved in the higher up running of the rather large scale operation.

As my Dad told me what had happened (his parents house where he was living as he was 'trying to get back on his feet' was raided and whatnot last night - keep in mind this is an older man with kids and a family and such..) I just felt sick to my stomach. I didn't feel as sorry for him..he has had many chances to try and 'fix' his life. He has been given opportunity after opportunity to attempt to change..handouts and support from a myriad of places...and has never taken any of these things..or even tried to take them...or rather, never took them whole heartedly. In my opinion he's been extremely selfish...how can you even fathom putting other people through things like that..let alone going through it yourself? I just can't even imagine..maybe I've always been a little bit of a 'goodie two shoes' - but I have also been wild or crazy in my day..but I've perfected the art of hiding my wild and crazy side..so that only the people I allow see it..Otherwise I'm a perfectly respectable and responsible young adult..at least in their eyes! And I've never gone to the point where I would REALLY let down myself or my family...at least I hope I haven't!

It was when I thought of his family having to yet again deal with this..that it broke my heart. To think about his parents..(neither of whom are very well) having to face the fact that yet again their son is involved in drugs and crime..and will yet again end up in jail. To think about the kids who don't have a father figure..and everyone else who he has let down..I just..can't imagine.

The oddest part to me is that people are so ashamed to be associated with this. It's a very 'hush hush' thing that's talked about behind closed doors...not unlike other things within the family. The topic of conversation tonight brought up other skeletons that had been hiding..and I found out more random distant family rumours and whatnot. But the ones that I REALLY want to know (the ones about not-so-distant relatives)..of course no one ever tells me! To me, I think that everyone has problems..we all have those skeletons collecting dust. Sure, some are bigger than others..and no, I don't really LIKE being associated with people like this, but still, the question that I keep coming back to in my mind..is why are people so preoccupied with the idea of appearances? Why do we have to pretend that everything is 'hunky dory' when it's not? Why push it under the rug and pretend that it never happened..what's the point in that? Where does that really get anyone? Does it deal with the problem and fix it? Sure doesn't. So what's the point then?

Our society is so fixated on the idea of appearances..I don't know if we'll ever get over it. Whether it be physical appearances, status, wealth or anything else...we're obsessed. And I'm no saint..I'm dragged into it far more often than not...but the eternal question always nags at me..Why do we care? Why does it matter? Why can't we just live, admit we have flaws, admit that we're not perfect and neither are our lives..but admit that that's OKAY..and that life goes on anyways and we might as well just make the best out of it...because when it comes down to it..making the best out of what you've got is what it's all about.